Friday, December 26, 2008


I was sitting at the kid's table for Christmas dinner the other night. It was me, my 12 year old cousin Harrison, my 10 year old cousin Lauren and their 9 year old cousin on their other side of the family, David. We were eating the worlds best hot fudge that we have every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Lauren always gets her sundae and stirs is up like soup....whatever makes you happy i guess... David isn't normally there with us at the holidays, so Lauren was keeping him well informed at what was going on. She looked at him at one point and said in somewhat of a disappointed tone, pointing at her bowl, "I don't have as much fudge in here as I normally do." To which I said, "go get some more." Lauren then says, "good idea!" and jumps up to go get more.

Have you ever been with a friend shopping and you pick up some new piece of clothing or some new gadget and before you know it your friend has convinced you to buy it? Or how many times have you considered doing something stupid and you move on with it just because your buddy says DO IT!

This happens all the time. One tiny little statement of encouragement can completely motivate us and cause us to do things we wouldn't necessarily do if we were alone. What if we all began to encourage one another in the things of the Lord? Consider this verse today and look for ways to act on it:

Hebrews 10:24 
Let us consider how we can spur one another on towards love and good deeds. 

Friday, December 12, 2008


I wrote this on Thursday night and was going to wait until Sunday afternoon to post it since the congregation won't be addressed till then,  but considering I have already been contacted a few times today, and the story is already out in various places such as actscelerate, the Atlanta Journal Constitution among others and flying through the mouths of many COG leaders, I decided to go ahead and add a few things and post it.

As several of you now know,
Bishop Jim Bolin has stepped down from his position as pastor of Trinity Chapel as a result of "inappropriate sexual  behavior with the opposite sex."
As I have been taught by my youth pastor:
There is a difference between a sin and a lifestyle of sin.

I still trust Bishop 100%. He is an incredible man of God and just like the rest of us, he is human. Yes, he did sin, but I know that I know that this is not his lifestyle. He is not a bad man, he just did a bad thing. Bishop's heart is to get back in this thing and fight the right way- I know this, I have lived with his family and just talked to him today.

ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Some are just in a position where the consequences of their sin have to be handled on a much larger scale. Sure this whole thing has hurt me, but my pain is really for this family. I've been with them all week through all of this. I've heard the stories, I've seen the brokenness, I've felt the frustration of how the situation has to be handled, but at the same time I've seen the unity of this church, and this family. I have seen the love that Trinity Chapel has for their Bishop and have seen them respond in such a Godly way. They too know his heart.
Let me please just ask all of you:
1. Do not be quick to judge
2. Know that just because you hear something or read it on actscelerate or elsewhere, it doesn't make it truth- I have already seen this story exaggerated. When people don't know something they like to assume and well, we all know what assuming does.
3. Watch what happens next. See Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness displayed. Watch Trinity Chapel  rise up in a time where many would expect it to crumble.

 You know, a situation like  this shows the strength or weakness of a church body.  I always knew Trinity was strong, but wow. My God IS giving strength. He IS uniting hearts. He IS restoring lives. My God IS showing up. This body has HIS heart. Trinity Chapel has arisen in strength and unity. 
It has been a difficult week, but getting to watch the response of the family and congregation has been uplifting and encouraging. If you only heard all the stories and seen all the love I have seen this week. It really has been incredible. The family and congregation are turning to the Lord and not judgment or condemnation. Just as God has called us to do. Even through a week like this past one, there is no denying-- The Lord is on the move.

This HAS to be scaring the enemy. Satan meant this for evil, but all things work together for good to those who are in Christ Jesus and are called according to His purposes. 

God I thank you for showing up in this time. I thank you that you are continuing to reveal yourself to and through Trinity Chapel. Be with Bishop, Robin, Jessie, Jared, Berkleigh Jocelyn, Jason, Sarah, Jay and Caroline in this time. Let your healing waters flow. Amen.


Thank you so much to all who have been praying this week, even when most of you haven't known what it was about. Now you know, and as  I am sure you can tell, continued prayer for this family and church would be much appreciated.

For those of you wondering... 
- In no way do I regret my decision to move here.
- In no way do I think the timing for me to move here was wrong. It was and is exactly right. 
- I will be in Cleveland on Sunday or Monday until after Christmas and then I am returning to GA. 
- We are currently working on my new living arrangements, I'll keep you posted.
- I'm open to talking about all of this, if you have questions. Not that I will answer every question you have, but I'll let the faith and strength of the situation shine through.

**Due to ignorance and negative agendas of some certain individuals, I am no longer going to show the comments on this blog. Rumors and gossip get us nowhere. Thank you to those who have posted positive responses. Comments to are still welcomed, they just won't be made public.**

Saturday, December 6, 2008


[emphasis mine]  Romans 4:19 Without weakening in his faith, [Abraham] faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. 20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22 This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." 23 The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, 24 but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness--for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. 25 He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.

So I wonder. What's it going to take for us to get to this point of being "fully persuaded?" 

The key to this kind of faith is hunger...
If we hunger and thirst for righteousness, we will be filled. (Mt. 5:6) 
One definition of hunger is to seek with earnest desire.

Are you willing to seek God enough to be filled with the righteousness of absolute belief in Him and see His promises fulfilled?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


[this is one of probably several long blogs that I am going to be writing over the next while and potentially eventually compiling and sorting through and rearranging and adding to etc... its more for me right now... to just process, well, me. I'm discovering who I am and how I got here. My confidence in who I am in Christ is strengthening every day. this is just a way for me to sort out my thoughts. right now they are scattered, but it all comes back around....Join me in this journey and read along if you wish]

I've always been the kinda kid that has to know why stuff is the way it is...

I never remember believing in Santa, but never felt like I missed out- I actually quite enjoyed feeling like I knew this secret that I wasn't supposed to know.

In math class, I couldn't be okay with the fact that pi was 3.14 and so on and why this symbol meant you were supposed to do this or that, I had to know why... I think that's why word problems and geometry were the only tolerable math  for me. With those I knew how they worked, thus could function just fine.

This also probably explains my computer skills. If any of you have ever asked me a computer question, you know that I either know it right away, or mess around until I figure it out. In my head there has to be a way it functions that way and once I know, I'm good.

As a kid, I was always sure to ask my parents why about everything, especially if I was in trouble. It wasn't that I was so upset of the fact that I was in trouble, but if I was, there better be a good reason.
BECAUSE I SAID SO. omg. I hated that more than anything.... well if you said so, WHY did you say so? There MUST be some reason behind it...

I was definitely not the easiest child to raise. I've always been very strong willed, wanting explanations for everything and not afraid to say anything. Although there was definitely some rebellion in my childhood that was dealt with later on, in many cases my strong-willed nature was not so much rebellion but rather a curiosity of what was really true and worth giving my attention to. Little did I know that this curiosity would be the story of my life fleshed out in a different way- a passionate dig for truth. Just explain to me why you're telling me to do this and not this and I will be glad to comply. Now I'm not justifying my actions as a kid and I learned later on that doing what I am told to do without or regardless of explanation was truly obedience, but I was so determined to figure things out, that it often looked like rebellion. Some of it indeed was, but fortunately my parents were able to help steer my strong willed nature in the right direction. Its interesting that my Grandfather was one of the first to vocalize that it could be good if steered correctly...

As a kid, I used to think that one day, just like Santa with most kids, adults were going to walk up to me and tell me that none of this whole God thing was true. Even with family and church family of all ages that went after the Lord, that was still a question in my mind from time to time.  I chose to follow the Lord, but in moments I definitely stepped around cautiously watching intently everyone and everything for any sight of falsehood.

Deep inside there was such a longing to discover the truth of this whole God thing. If it was real, all of it must be real. If God was fake, then I better find out.

As I began to search this out, I discovered more and more that it was true, then I would get excited to see verses and principles that completely explained my actions, thoughts and feelings. I would hear something and remember it and either test it out for myself, or at least watch intently to see if it played out in someone else's life. There has always been so much joy in confirmation, and as many of you know, the Lord has filled my life with it.

Of course, its not like if you hear something from scripture one time, it all makes sense and you can immediately walk in it, but rather we get to partake of the joy that comes when we really GET something.

I remember when I really GOT that I needed to obey my parents. I had heard it a lot, a WHOLE lot actually,  but I had to be convinced that there was a reason for submission. Once I was REALLY convinced that my God was real and His promises were true, I realized that my obedience would please the Lord.

That became my motivation. The more I discovered the beauty of the Lord, the more I wanted to please Him. I later realized that the more I please Him, the more blessings and favor I received.  Now, that definitely didn't fix it all with my parents, but instead of not caring that I was in trouble, it began to break my heart because I knew I had disobeyed not only my parents, but my perfect, all-deserving God.

I think my parents can attest to the fact that the more I began to seek the Lord, the less I disobeyed. Now Its not like my tongue and actions were immediately controlled once I truly believed in the Lord, but at least I had a heart to WANT to obey.

I cry when I'm mad, but honestly I think that is rooted in my hatred of disunity. Especially with certain people, If I'm mad, I just walk away.... That whole "be angry and sin not" thing is not always the easiest thing to go by, so I tend to just walk away for the time being.

I do good when I'm alone when I am upset or mad. I have a solid foundation. I know what I believe and where I stand on things. So sometimes I just need to get away from people to get my mind focused on what I know.

On the other hand... I'm also learning the absolute necessity of being with people. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, being with people is what keeps me sane. My mind goes all over the place when I have too much time to think. I try to figure out how to make everything work instead of just living life. When I am with people, I can just function exactly as I am supposed to without trying. Guess its that whole concept of the body... they cover my shortcomings and I cover theirs, even when we don't realize it. It just works.

Of course, all of that once again is the scripture just playing out before my eyes. You see, thats what I love. In the good or the bad, I can always have the joy, peace and comfort of knowing that everything goes back to His word. There is no denying it. I experience it more and more each day.

There is so much beauty in intimacy with the Lord. Praying without ceasing is my delight. I have a constant awareness that He is right here with me. Is it lonely sometimes? In the natural, absolutely. But in the spirit, no way. I feel a tighter embrace every day. And besides, the spirit is more real anyways. I've known that but I'm finally discovering it for myself.

Right now, this growing intimacy is burning inside of me. My passion and desire to see His presence infiltrate lives including my own is consuming. My spirit churns inside of me, longing for greater intimacy with my oh so intimate savior.  Its that same concept of praying for rain in the time of rain.

As a kid, if your parents give you something you don't normally get, what do you say? "Can I have more?" To which parents usually say something like, "if I give you an inch, you take a mile!"

Heres just one more reason why I think the Lord tells us that the kingdom of heaven is likened to a little child. This is His desire for us. When He gives us any part of Himself, He wants us to keep coming back for more.  I believe that the behavior of kids is often such a clear picture of the Kingdom if we open our eyes to it.

You ever notice that babies are so fascinated with light? No mistake.

I remember the day that I really GOT the concept of Psalms 22:3, that God inhabits the praises of His people. I had heard that but I remember when it clicked. In church services and other atmospheres, I  began to notice more and more that as I and other people pressed in to God, that His presence was stronger than before and that He would begin to move. Well I also had heard people say that its nothing You do that makes God come. When I was in Ireland in 2007, I discovered thats not the case. Now of course none of us deserve God's presence and thus we can't make Him visit us, however, He does go by His own Word- He IS the Word. If we praise, He will inhabit! We were in a really powerful service in Ireland where each member on the team was functioning in their role and many lives were changed. Before the service that night, in the girls room, we began to have an overwhelming hunger for the Lord. We prayed and focused on Him there, and then once we got in the service we all praised and God showed up. I then was questioning why He showed up so strong. I didn't want to say it was because of us, because I knew it wasn't but at the same time I knew it was no mistake that He showed up so strong on the night we were so focused on Him. Then that verse came to mind and I was overwhelmed. I had heard that over and over, but this time I got it. From then on, that concept changed the way I worshipped and affected how I thought of my God.
There is always more.

O God, how I long for more of You! This burning is all consuming, yet feels so contained. God let the fire of your spirit spread throughout Your body, Your beautiful bride. God fill our churches, our homes, our schools, our workplaces and our streets. God anywhere and everywhere we are, make us aware of Your presence in that place. Fill our hearts with joy and strength to get through this season which the world sees as lack. Make this a season of increase for us and let us discover the freedom of trusting and obeying You. God stoke the fire inside our already burning hearts until the fire has no choice but to consume us and spread out. Let us see salvations, miracles, and opportunities to express Your love without even trying to get there. Let the passion inside of us drive us to Your eyes.

God, my song to You will never lose its power. I mean it more and more every time.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


fabulantastic= fabulous, fantastic and the combination of those feelings, A RANDOM EXPRESSION OF JOY AND PEACE that just came out of my mouth one day and kinda just stuck.

Labrina told me to write a blog  about it so I did.  In reality it works great to describe where I am at right now. I don't really understand what the Lord is doing right now, but I have so much joy and peace in this season. My list of questions was definitely lengthened today with the death of Perry Keyt.  I was so encouraged by Melissa's strength  from an email I read  just after I had written the bottom part of this blog:  "God is a mighty God and I trust His plans and His ways, even when I don't understand. We will praise Him just because He is Worthy!"
WOW. What strength. Its incredible to see her have a heart of praise even in the midst of the death of her husband. What an encouragement she is to praise our God instead of sitting on our questions.  Life right now for so many is unpredictable and filled with I don't knows, but I'm learning more and more that His ways are so much better than ours. We can all walk in that kind of strength if we can put our trust in Him.  
Its all part of  "The ______ of the ______." [btw. that thing in quotes right there, that will be a book one day, but the blanks will be filled in... just thought i'd throw that out there.]

Majoring in the minor key
Rinsing with resolve
Constructing the skibobble
Preparing for the milter.


Belief without reason
Yet every reason to believe
Core giving credence to entirety
Reconnoitering the perspicuous opacity


Ceaseless depths
Wresting deepest desire
Sovereign roar
Whispering sweet


Captivate me liberating surrender
Free me from my freedom
Dominate my control
Come reveal.

..."blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."

Sunday, November 23, 2008


why is it that I have always hungered for that atmosphere but can't seem to ever get close?

is that the easy route?

it seems so right, yet the wind blows me only to watch from a distance...

i know their names and their hearts
yet they have no idea who I am.
The same page factor weirds me out sometimes.
and the dreams.... wow.
whats that hallway thing? and that building and that shirt? and that rollercoaster and that park?

i don't have to know, but what in the world?
I'm completely cool with You doing this, I just don't get it.
is it just about prayer?
maybe, but i doubt it.

Show me.

Lord You know my heart and my desires
and i trust You.

Give me wisdom in this
You know what I need much more than I do

but if You are waiting for me to ask, here is my asking:

God will You orchestrate this in the timing that is for Your greatest glory and my greatest good?

Whatever You want, thats what I want. Where do I end and You begin?

and also... when I think about that not-yet-named thing.... it looks so much like this- so why isn't it? 

Is it a Timothy?
or is it a Barnabas?
or somehow both?
or neither?

not gonna lie. i feel like i have a thriving child in me thats pretty much way past its due date.
but i guess i shouldn't attempt to attach my concept of time to a Kingdom that operates outside of the limits and boundaries of time.

show me where to walk
show me where to stand
and where to avoid 
tell me when to move 
and when to be still
teach me what to awaken 
and what to put to rest

okay, okay i'll stop striving to make this happen...
So I'll say it simply,
just help me stand on Your feet and let You dance our dance.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


alright here's the deal
I'm not trying to be selfish or prideful- that is not my heart, and God, if there's any of that in me, get rid of it...

Ok so times are rough right now for a lot of people, financially, emotionally, and just with all kinds of stuff. 

So we talk and hear all about faith. It's awesome, and encouraging... but I can't get away from this question.
When are we going to BELIEVE?

When are we going to let our faith arise and walk in righteousness again? 
Hard times are not an excuse to live in sin. Period.
Hard times are not justification for complacency and stagnation either.

I have never had to live in really hard times, and I am thankful, but its in moments like this one right now that I wish I could understand. I'm blessed and I love life, but how do I bridge this divide?
Would I think differently if I was in the middle of the situation myself? That I do not know, but I can't sit around and try to figure that out... I just need to express what I'm feeling and walk in what I know.

I feel like the only way we are going to get out of this funk is through the power of the Holy Spirit. I wanna see a bunch of people filled with the Spirit, and then soak in His presence, and be so changed by His presence that we really begin to walk in the power that we just tapped into. 

Over and over and over again in the Word when faith is mentioned, its right next to miracles and salvation.... We have enough faith to believe God created the universe but we can't believe that He will provide for us? 

We have made faith all about our behalf. Do I really believe that God can do this for me?

We need to get over ourselves and know that we are taken care of. He is our dad.  
Dad knows how to take care of His kids. Maybe not all dads do, but this One is perfect. Hasn't He proved Himself faithful to you time and time again?

I'm so ready to make faith about miracles and salvation, vs. petting us when we are wallowing around in self pity. 

I know so many are struggling, but think of how much faith people could begin to have to see the miraculous in their situations if they saw miracles happen for others...
Where is our power?

I believe that we really just need to REALLY know how much God loves us. And then let that propel us into the cycle of worship where because of His love, we worship Him, and then He shows us new levels of Himself which gives us a heart to worship some more and then He shows us Himself in all new ways which gives us all the more reason to worship and then He shows us even more of Himself which stirs our love and hunger even more to worship Him and then.... you get the point. 

If we could really know His love for us, I believe we would begin to believe all the other promises He makes about us, thus we would walk in great faith that our God will do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. 

If we could really root our confidence in Him, our focus could get off of us and faith could be about the Kingdom and its advance.

For the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy, in the Holy Ghost.

If we will walk in the righteousness we know we are supposed to walk in, He will give us peace and joy.  But it can only be done IN the Holy Ghost. Our power comes from God alone. We have to get our focus back on God and His Kingdom, and inviting others into this Kingdom.

I want to see this harvest thats talked about. 
I want to walk in the power of Holy Spirit and be led into fulfilling everything on His heart.
I want to see miracles.
I'm honestly tired of hearing, this generation is like an army, an army is arising, this will happen, that will happen and all that stuff... Let's be that army NOW instead of expecting it to pop out of nowhere one day. We ARE that army. The generation on the earth right now can be mighty, but we have to take our focus off of self and fix our gaze on the only one who deserves it.

Our faith will increase as we worship and see our King and learn of His love,  but also as we walk out our faith and thus begin to see all we keep hearing about.

I believe. 
I have faith. 
I'm so ready for this. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


"don't leave"
I cried out. I wanna see the face of my King. I wanna hear the heart of my father.
Then a father prayed about that heaven inside of me.
i saw a room in His house. 
first it was this big simple cream colored room
and then it was a room full of tree trunks.
with a fire in the middle and we were gathered around singing.
but He was the fire.
It was inside so that we never had to leave.
everything we see on earth outside, was inside His house. 
Nature was thriving. 
and then the room was these gorgeous white floors. i think it was pearl. kinda looked like awesome marble. 
regardless of how it looked, it was always BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING.

"this is the sound of my living room"
it was beautiful.
and refreshing.

i have spent so much time simply being aware that i can walk in and out of His house anytime that i want. 
i've gone in just long enough to be able to tell people about it.
and i've simply told them instead of just inviting them in.

but tonight He said over and over.
"don't leave"
"don't leave"

then  I saw myself at different times in my life, when people would come over and I would beg them to stay. 
All my life I've been that way. 
I have moments where I won't seem to let people leave. 
To the point where I pretty much stop only because I feel like I'm getting annoying.
Then usually once they leave, I sit there and say to myself, "why did you try and try and try to get them to stay? you really don't need them here for anything." That is very true, but there is just something about having the person there in that moment that drives me to trying to convince them to stay.
He reminded me of the way I feel in those moments 
and He was that way towards me tonight- kinda giddy,  a little crazy...
"Don't leave. Don't leave."
He doesn't need me, but oh how He longs for me to stay!

Calling people in from the north, south, east and west has a whole different meaning to me now. I used to just walk out of the house to go find people to tell about what I was experiencing. 
I have tried to convince them of something I should have been calling and inviting them into.
I will now call out loud enough for the ones outside to hear me from inside the house. Spirit sound transcends physical sound waves so they are going to be drawn in by a sound that they can't even figure out how they are hearing until they are in there. 
Everything makes sense in His house. Walking outside to tell them about whats inside--- it has always seemed like the logical thing to do. Probably because that is logical. And really, now that almost doesnt even make sense to me anymore. My Spirit is 100% spirit. And my physical body was made to interact with a Spiritual God because it was created by Him as an expression of His character. Thus I will call from the inside. and they will hear.
 No more trying to convince from outside- only inviting from inside. 

I sat there like a kid on a carpet square. Taking in every ounce of the unfolding story, but here the story was already unfolded, and unfolding. I sat there and just stared at the flame in front of me.



This word, His word. 
Its like  a fire inside of me right now.

To theElement, and all the other vessels in labor with this thing:
What if you didnt settle?
What if you didnt stop?

You feel this. I know you do.
You've seen the Lord move this week, but we all know there is so much more that is on the brink of happening.
Let your holy dissatisfaction stoke the fire inside of you.
Don't let this fire die!

What if you chose to keep this thing going?
What if you guys called the church and said, " Hey were gonna need the sanctuary Friday and Saturday night. "
And you kept praying. and you kept worshipping. 
and you go at it till you birth this thing.

When a woman is in labor they dont wait till her contractions are really strong then send her home.
Some may come visit and then leave, but the one carrying the baby DOES NOT QUIT.
It doesnt matter how long it takes, they do whatever they have to do to birth the baby.

I so strongly believe that there is enough fire shot up in enough bones to sustain this. 
Whatever you have to do, whatever it looks like--
and DO NOT live to tell about it... let this process kill the "you" inside of you. 
Let this propel you to a life dead to yourself and alive in Christ. 
Let it purify you. 
Walk in it. 
Stay in it. 
Live in the flow of the Spirit. 

You CAN see the sick healed. 
You CAN see souls saved.
You CAN see compassion grow in the hearts of God's people.
You CAN see the dry, dead bones awaken to all God has.

I know you feel this, and I know you know you can get there.
So whats stopping you?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


God I am ready for this.
I told you just the other day that I was ready to see something that I haven’t seen and hear something I haven’t heard.
You know, your people HAVE been praying about our next president.
God You raise leaders up and bring them down.
I said a while back that I was confident that Your hand was in this election.
That belief has not changed.
So God, really this kind of excites me.
This is definitely something new.
I can really say I am not sure what You are doing with this election.
But I TRUST You.
And I have faith and expectation that You are moving.
Your people prayed so I believe this is fulfilling Your plans.
Even if I don’t see it right now.
God I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president that is so pro-abortion. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president who was mentored by someone who claims Your name, but seems to be filled with such hate. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why there was a clear word from You for Sarah Palin “for such a time as this,” if she wasn’t going to be elected as VP. But I do know that she doesn’t have to be in that position to be Your Esther for this time. You DO use the weak things to confound the things which are mighty, so who’s to say her impact couldn’t be potentially even greater with her in a "weaker" position? I trust You.
I don’t get all of this, but I don’t have to.
Your are moving. And I commit to move with You
Wherever You go, I will go.
You’re doing a new thing
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
I love You.
And I am excited and confident that in all areas I will begin to see something I haven't seen and hear something I haven't heard.
So God, bless Barack Obama. Lead him, guide him, speak to him. 
Be with our nation. 
God, bless America. 
Send revival to our land, renew us in the things of You. 
Move so powerfully that no one can deny it is You. 
Lord, in all we say, in all we do, be glorified. 

Monday, October 27, 2008


Luke 21:5-19 THE MESSAGE [emphasis mine]

One day people were standing around talking about the Temple, remarking how beautiful it was, the splendor of its stonework and memorial gifts. Jesus said,
"All this you're admiring so much - the time is coming when every stone in that building will end up in a heap of rubble."
They asked him, "Teacher, when is this going to happen? What clue will we get that it's about to take place?"
He said, "Watch out for the doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities claiming, 'I'm the One,' or, 'The end is near.' Don't fall for any of that.
When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end."
He went on, "Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over.
Huge earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. You'll think at times that the very sky is falling.
"But before any of this happens, they'll arrest you, hunt you down, and drag you to court and jail. It will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name.
You'll end up on the witness stand, called to testify.
Make up your mind right now not to worry about it.
I'll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters.
"You'll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed.
There's no telling who will hate you because of me.
Even so, every detail of your body and soul - even the hairs of your head! - is in my care; nothing of you will be lost.
Staying with it - that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved.


If you take any time at all to just stop and look at what surrounds you, it can be pretty discouraging. We're in a season right now, in this nation and really all over the world where there is a lot we feel like we could legitimately worry about.  The Lord is clear with us that times of hurt and dissapointment and persection will come. He lets us know that it is only going to get worse and worse. But don't forget! Don't lose heart! As children of God, every detail will be saved if we stay with it. How awesome. In these times where our nation and much of our world is at such a low, we have such an open door.  We must arise with confidence and with passion, with boldness and joy. 
We must make up our minds now not to worry!
Everything we need will be given to us! 
Our God is passionate about us! He will provide all we need and more! 

What could happen if the church would step up in hard economic times with their giving?
What could happen if the church would have joy when everyone else is worrying?
What could happen if we walked around in the confidence of knowing we are the conquerors?
What could happen if we walked in the wisdom that He promises to give us if we ask?

What would happen if we became passionate about all these things again?

What happened to your passion? Where is the fire that kept you going? Where is that overwhelming desire to reach out to the lost and the hurt and the dying?
Where is your excitement and confidence about the call God has placed on your life? What happened to always seeing the joy in the chase? Where is your delight in the journey?

You see, it doesnt take much to be happy and excited and passionate when everything is hunky-dory. What is different about us right now? When were are in a season of plenty and everything seems to be going good, the world is happy. and the world is excited. and the world is passionate. If you notice, we aren't looking much different than that. We act like just because we have hit a rough spot, we can just stop and complain and blame it all on the enemy, or on other people... 
Have you looked lately? Our Bible promises us that these difficult times will be here. These are the times that we actually are given a clear opportunity to shine. We just have to live what we know to be the difference in these days.  When everything is going great, often times the world is actually more passionate about their beliefs, because we just use ours as a convenience.

We use good times to just chill out and say God is blessing us, and we use the bad times to grumble and complain. WHERE IS OUR ACTION? We can't let our only actions be sitting on our backsides till we find something to complain about. 


that we as the body of Christ, remember that when we turn to the back of the book WE ARE THE VICTORS! 
We must KNOW that we can conquer any work of the enemy. 
We must BELIEVE the Word when it says we WILL overcome.
We must TRUST that God keeps His promises.
And we must WALK in the power of His Spirit.

So I declare right now to myself and the rest of this body of Christ--
Wake up! Arise! Be strengthed! Stop Worrying! Trust again! Be full of Joy again! Walk this out and be the difference! Remember that you are His! Remember His passionate love and be that love to the world!!

God right now, I praise You for who You are. I am so thankful that You give us Your Word to lead and guide us and direct us. Thank You for giving us the promises that You will keep us and hold us safe and for being honest enough and loving enough to warn us about the trials that are to come. Teach us true love-- Your love. God I pray that You instill in us the courage to truly believe once again in Your faithfulness. Thank You for letting us know that we really can trust You. Thank You that You never go back on Your Word.  God  we want our passion back! We want our joy back! Lord pour out Your spirit on our dry and thirsty souls! God we don't deserve it, but You love us anyways.  Thank You for that. Lord, we just want You. We want to glorify You. We want to be light to darkness. We want to have faith in Your word. We want to trust You with everything. We want to look like You. We even want to want You more than we do now. So Lord fill us. Infiltrate our lives with Your presence so that we just become so addicted to Your presence that we never want to leave. And God teach us that we never have to leave. God we choose not to worry. We choose to walk in the wisdom and the passion and the fire that You are putting in us even now. Thank You Father. Lord, we know You are with us. God, keep on kissing us. We love Your face. Your kisses are so amazing. God there is nothing better. So we choose to stay with it! We will stick it out till the end!  You are all we want! You are all we have ever needed! You are all we want! Help us know You are near! 

Friday, October 24, 2008


I remember walking in the first time knowing NO ONE. 
except for rebecca davis who I had only met hours before on myspace...
since no one knew me, everyone just assumed I came with someone else, thus I was able to just float around and plop myself down in the middle of everyone like I was family. And I became that real quick. Thanks. 
Although it was a room of brand new faces when I walked in, I felt like I had known all of you always.

I remember one certain day when Brian was talking to us and then immediately pacing through that row of chairs and speaking in tongues. In that moment I realized I could do that too. I realized that praying in the spirit didn't have to be something that was "stirred up," but rather something that you just release.

I remember the day I had gone to a prayer gathering at oneighty before going over to north, and once I got there, I stepped out of my car and immediately heard the roar coming from way up in the tower.

I remember the day when Jeremy told us to go to the windows and pray for dorms, and we cried and wailed till Jeremy told us we had reached the time the Lord told him. (Sometimes I still wonder how those windows didnt break)

I remember staying out till crazy hours of the night and getting up a few hours later to go take a test at my high school and doing great. 

I remember singing "let the fire fall through the window" and it going from hilarious to prophetic. 

I remember listening to wild dreams about roots and stones and colors and leaders and buildings and everything else.

I remember the times I had alone in my car on the way over to the prayer tower.

I remember the faces of those around me gripped for the city I had always lived in.

I remember the feeling of college students asking us young high schoolers what we were hearing.

I remember the fire that sustained me.

I remember how rested I felt even with the lack of sleep.

I remember the expectation I had every night. 

I remember leaving some days feeling on top of the world.

And then there was the other side...

I remember some days leaving feeling as low as I could be.

I remember the frustrations of hitting walls. 

I remember the lack of wisdom I walked in at times. 

I remember the days when nothing seemed to make sense. 

I remember the days where we saw demons trying to get to us.

I remember days when we felt like everything was in vain. 

I remember feeling rejected by students from a school I had yet to attend. 

I remember having to try and justify my actions and always explain myself. 

I remember the day where I felt I needed to be at prayer so I missed a party and later found out I was talked about the whole time.

I remember the frustrations of being distracted by little things. 

I remember people slipping away who we thought would stay on strong.

I remember resting when I should have been fighting and fighting when I should've been resting. 

In the midst of it all, I LEARNED. 
It was so worth it. 

I know I am where I am today because of those days. 
It was in those times where my calling to that city was confirmed. 

Right now I am in GA on a word from the Lord in an incredible environment getting equipped to go back to Cleveland and help fulfill all those words we still believe. As I walk out this calling to Cleveland, it feels good to know that in those times where its going to be the hardest I can know that there are people in California, Alabama, New Jersey, Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee,  Texas, Kentucky, Georgia, and other places who know just what its like to cry out for Cleveland.  Wow. That is incredible. Yes, I am so glad the 'Cleveland' that got put in us is scattered all over, but I plead to you guys. Keep Cleveland in your hearts. There is still so much promise in that place. I know you know that. Thank you guys for taking on a city that you don't even call home. Even though I am away from all of you now, you forever have a place in my heart. 

Cleveland still needs us, as much as the rest of this nation needs the Cleveland that got put in us.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


You are so close today. 
I feel You right here with me.
I always know You're near, but there is something special about today.

Maybe it was my time last night with Nadine and Q. 
Community changes everything.
You are always here, but seeing and hearing what you are doing in individual lives just makes You feel that much closer. 
I guess I just become more aware. 
I can talk the talk all day about who You are and what You are doing, but its those times when You just come and embrace me that really change me.
My heart is for You. 
even when I just sit there.
And I know You see my heart.
Maybe this is a way that You are breaking ME. 
I need to be shaken and broken and moved. 
I am sick of myself. 
My mind gets me nowhere but down a path of frustration.
But YOU....
You are so freeing.
and joyful. 

Lord I need your restoration.
I need the strength, energy, desire and fire
that come from You alone. 
Let the fire of intimacy burn deep into my heart, down into my bones.
Give me Your wisdom so I can fulfill the desires of Your heart. 
Hold me close so I can lay against Your chest and feel Your heartbeat.
I want to move WITH You. Not ahead, not behind. 
I need You. 

Lord help me to be able to focus on Your Word.
I say I will read time and time again...
Then I go to actually read and get so distracted. 
I am so over that. 
Help me. 
I want to read and learn more about You.
I guess this is one of those things I feel like I should be able to do...
but yet again- God I can't even do this on my own. 
There is beauty in that though, its living dead. 
When I'm dead I can't really do anything by myself huh?
I need You. 
I love You. 

Thursday, October 16, 2008


I just happened to realize that this is blogpost number 44. 
So I'll embrace it...

I read a blog today posted on the Ramp's myspace and I loved it....
Here it is.

Order, Please

Well, over the past week the office staff here has been getting some awesome rebukes. I mean that without any sarcasm whatsoever. After a few years of walking with God, you begin to see rebukes as awesome. Whenever I hear we're going to have a staff meeting, something within me hopes that the boss has noticed my tardiness, laziness, and bad attitude. If we go through the whole meeting and no correction has come, then I honestly leave a little disappointed.

The reason I've grown to love correction and rebukes is because I know that my leaders are simply getting me in order with what I am suppose to be doing anyway. And according to scripture, glory follows order. Once Moses built the tabernacle according to God specifications, His glory descended upon it. When David attempted to bring the ark of God back to Jerusalem, judgement came because they "did not consult Him about the proper order" (1 Chr. 15:13). Once they got in proper order, they were able to move the ark again and get the glory back to Israel. In Malachi God reminds His people to be faithful in tithes and offering so He can pour out a blessing. Throughout scripture God makes it very clear that His glory follows order.

Therefore, if Ms. Karen is correcting me, yanking me into order, it means that God is preparing me for more glory. God intends for the Ramp offices to be full of glory, and if there is a lack of order, there will be a lack of glory. If we can set ourselves to have order in the natural, then there will be glory. Little things like arriving on time, staying on task, be truthful about your hours--these things matter. They matter to God, and He takes note when we disobey in these little, unseen things. His desire is to give His people glory. The question is will His people do what is takes to get in order?

Micah Wood


This blog is so so true. I know the feeling so much. Embrace the cutting. The pruned vines are the ones that grow and produce the best fruit. 

So to Samuel.... 
I talked about you today and about how you taught me this concept... and I was reminded how thankful I am for you.
I accelerated so far because of you. 
There's no way I would ever regret those days.
I pray that the Lord blesses you and guides you and teaches you today. 
I love you. 

Saturday, October 11, 2008


I so strongly believe

God has His hand in this election.
His thumbprint is all over it.

Is it what we expected?
Nope. But what can we predict anymore?
It seems we can't be sure of much of anything these days... but really that excites me. When everything else is falling apart, our eyes can go to the only one who NEVER CHANGES. 
I believe so many people are going to begin to see that they need to stop looking for change and hold on to the one that never changes. 

What is this going to look like?
I don't know, but I trust that He will have His way, if we will pray. 

Getting to see and hear of hundreds and thousands of testimonies of how these elections have pushed people to prayer has been an incredible honor and blessing. Its made my world feel a lot smaller.  I am seeing that one SMALL act of obedience can reep HUGE results. 

We may feel small. But don't you see?? If God's hand is in something, it will shake nations all over the world.

Knowing that one story about these elections has touched more than 65 nations is amazing. There is no doubt God is in this. (visit

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)


Thursday, October 2, 2008


"Secrets"- Janna Adams

If you come and sit outside my window tonight
I’ll try my hardest to listen and be quiet
Like the ocean there’s treasures inside that you hide
I can tell you’re wanting to speak your mind

You can find me here anytime
You will find an ear every time
I wanna be the one you tell your secrets

I have to admit sometimes I push you away
I’ve gotta change that starting today
For some reason I hang on every word you say

You can find me here anytime
You will find an ear every time
I wanna be the one you tell your secrets

He is whispering the secrets of His heart. 
Will you come close enough to hear?
He's not always going to be in the wind, the earthquake or the fire. 
He doesn't want to shout at you all the time
He wants to be close to you. 
Are you willing to stand through the wind, earthquake, and fire
even if you can't hear Him?
His desire is to speak to you in that still small voice so that He has to be close.

[I am so thankful for Pastor Kelvin who lives this, thus was able to teach this principle to us.]


He is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
A lamp's light is not huge, but it keeps me from stumbling. 
A light to my path will show me the path I am to walk on- not everything else around. 
Its perfect.
Because that way I get to trust. 
And I LOVE trusting the Perfect One.
I really really do.
If I could see it all right now, I would for sure mess it all up.
Instead I get to see beautiful glimpses along the way.
And this way, He touches my eyes in those moments to see every part of it in the most beautiful way I can.
I am so thankful.
He's awesome.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I love love love being in the Kingdom.
I'm two hours away but I feel like I am worshipping 2 feet away.
We have the same heart.
I'm here, You're there
but its like we meet somewhere in the sky...

Can You hear the sound
From all over the earth
There's a new glory we have found
A revolution we will birth.
I'll meet you somewhere in the sky
On the way up to His throne
To Him alone we cry
The greatest unity We've ever known.

To You Lord we pray
From the north, south, east and west
In Your face we will stay
We will give You no rest
O God send Your rain
Fall on more than just a few
In our victory and in our pain
Together we will praise You.
Your promises stand 
So inhabit our praise
Come and kiss this land
And be with us all our days.

Monday, September 15, 2008


Can you hear it?
There is something soaring through the air
Something that has not been there before
And even if it has, its never reached this far
Can you hear the sound of the abundance of rain?

Can you feel it?
The atmosphere is changing
A shift has taken place
There is a presence that is almost tangible
He is so close right now.

Can you see it?
There's movement all around
The sleeping ones are awakening
There is something just over the horizon
The waters are beginning to stir

Can you smell it?
The fragrance in our midst is beautiful
Dead flesh is a sweet-smelling aroma to Him
The scent of a coming rain has consumed the air

Can you taste it?
His words are like honey to our lips
The fruit coming from this is so sweet
It's so close we can taste it.

Come like a mighty rushing river. I'll jump right in.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


so after church today I talked to mom and got on the computer and other various things and then I read my last blog to myself. 
We were leaving to go eat at 4 something, so at 3 I decided to sleep for an hour.
As I laid down, I told the Lord that if He wanted to talk to me through a dream He was welcome to. Then my head hit the pillow and I slept.

At 4 the alarm goes off.  I was slightly embarrassed and frustrated at myself because of the dream I'd just had. Oh well, I thought, I'll just call my friend  who was in the dream  later on and just laugh  it off. 

So I'm getting ready and I remembered what I told the Lord.
Well, maybe the Lord was trying to say something to me...  I racked my brain for a few minutes, thoughts flying in all directions. I was getting a little bit frustrated because I wanted to be able to just laugh that dream off and not have to think about it anymore...when I told the Lord He could talk to me, I was thinking some cool revelation or some cool prophetic dream or something, something beautiful of course, nothing ugly... actually ugly hadn't even crossed my mind until this point. Cuz when got speaks its always beautiful right?....Wrong.

 I was realizing I couldn't just ignore this little dream. I mean I guess I could have, but if I ask Him to talk, I should probably pay attention to what He is saying when He is talking. So with my thoughts still swarming around like angry bees, confusion was rising. Well the Lord taught me a while ago, that He is not the author of confusion therefore that was an immediate red flag. I needed to just pause for a second so I could hear. And as soon as I did, the Lord said to me- "this is the fire that you asked for."

AHHH the blog!  "I want your fire even when it hurts..."

I guess I wasn't expecting Him to move that way...

Church this morning was about moving with God.
Getting out of your comfort zone, abandoning preconceived ideas, and getting ready for new challenges and growth markers on your journey. Wow. I experienced all 3 today. I guess thats what I get...I mean I did choose to come live with the man who preached that this morning.

It's awesome though. This is why I am here. To serve them and to grow. Ha. and I was just thinking how I wanted acceleration and  thinking of how maybe I just needed to be patient... Ummm... Amanda. open your eyes.  (God wants you to see, remember? You learned that today at church too.) This is same day service here. You are accelerating so much more than you realize. 

Sorry... had to preach to myself for a second.

So here's what I learned/ was reminded of today:

1. When I hear that God won't necessarily move the same way He has before, that applies to much more than just a style of a church service.
2. When you talk to the Lord, He listens. 
3. When the Lord talks, its not always going to be beautiful. Yet at the same time, it so is.
4.  The things I hear are for me more than I realize.
5. Cleansing fire isn't always some huge life crisis- fire can come through something as simple as a dream...and yes. it still burns.

Thank you for teaching me today. 
I love your teachings so much
and feeling the burn means I am that much closer to Your face.
Because I know that your eyes burn like blazing fire.
And what you showed me in this dream today- show me how to fix it.
I want to love like you love.
I want to have compassion for the lost and for those I am close to
Teach me to honor those close to me
And not discount people just cuz of their junk
Thanks for showing me the junk in my own life.
Deal with the anger that comes up sometimes
Help me to overflow with kindness
Take away my pride
I don't always know the best way
Help me to have compassionate understanding when you are teaching others
Teach me when its my turn to confront an issue, and when I need to leave it alone
Really, I just need to overflow with Your love
Teach me to truly love.


Thank you.

Your blessings are so much more
 than i could ever deserve.

Thank you for finding me
 in the midst of a universe so big
 and kissing me so intimately.

Thank you for loving 
 this far-from-perfect soul.

All I will ever do for You
will never amount 
to anything near 
what You deserve.

Yet You still desire me.

You are so beautiful
and Your love is enough.

I want to glorify You 
in all I do
because You're worth it
and just because I love You.

I wanna walk closer.

Let your glory emanate from me

Let me walk like You want me to walk
and talk like You want me to talk
and smell like You want me to smell

I'm here to gain a scent,
a fragrance that You love

I want my life to be a fragrant offering 
to You my king.

Holy Spirit,
teach me
guide me
fill me

I want your fire
even when it hurts
I want your power
even though it costs

I want all You have for me
So I can give it all
right back to You.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Restore the joy of our salvation
Restore the joy
And the peace
And the comfort
Of living everyday with You
Identify us O Lord
Show us we are pleasing to You
And show us anything in us that does not please You
Help us to not encourage or foster anything that the enemy enjoys.
Wrap us in your arms
Teach us how to make you proud
We need You Daddy.
In our hurt
In our insecurity
In our confusion
We must have You
Renew us in You
Make us excited again
Make us confident again
Make us energized again
Let us feel safe in you again
All for Your glory Lord
Its all for You alone.

And Lord,
You have got to be sick of the enemy doing this to Your people.
Show Your power.
Help us to do what we can to fight off the lies of the enemy.
Let us shield one another
And encourage one another.
And give us the biggest Holy Ghost check in our spirits
Anytime that we are opening doors, or encouraging the movement of the enemy.
Holy Spirit move.
Comfort us O God.
Strengthen Your people
For Your Kingdom’s sake.


Friday, August 29, 2008


What do you see?

Describe the place that epitomizes this statement…


If you have seen it with your tangible eyes, describe it…
If you haven’t, but can see any part of it in your spirit, describe what you see.

Take some time to really think about this, or simply express what first comes to mind.
Long detailed description or just a short statement-  every response will be much appreciated.

Please e-mail your responses to:
(I'd prefer email so I can keep it all together, but you can just comment here if you want to)

Thanks- it mean more than you know... 

Sunday, August 24, 2008


I was asked to define the word bless...

I've always understood it to basically mean the Father choosing to give us peace, joy, clarity, direction, health, etc. through people, things, words, thoughts, feelings, or any other way He chooses.

really, as I think about it, I think anything He gives to us is a blessing.
because He gives good gifts...
and sometimes even our storms get us exactly where He wants us.
and His ways are perfect.

so in short...

bless= give something to; or give of yourself to

What do you think?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


He is beginning to prove His trustworthiness. 
He is revealing Himself in ways we don't expect.

Theres an open window here... Many times we have to trust even though we don't see the end result. But right now,  He is proving how trustworthy He is... He is orchestrating moments where His glory can flow, yet He is choosing to surprise us before those moments even arrive. (right TCR?) 
And He is bestowing crazy favor on His people. If we will trust Him, we will walk in favor like never before. 



Give Him no reason not to bless you.

...I will not let You go unless You bless me... (Genesis 32:26)

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

Its a promise. He calls those who hunger and thirst for righteousness blessed.  So if we live in right standing with God, He WILL bless us. 


My eyes are fixed on my Jesus who fixes everything.
Just being with him brings so much peace and joy and clarity.
Sure I still have to deal with a lot of stuff inside of me,  but He makes me feel so much better.
Its so worth it to worship in the hard moments.

and also.
Thanks Lord for using me in spite of me.

and also.
This is it for They Came Running. they are amazing. all of them.  because they know they are His.


ive been way too good at ruining days lately...
i dont mean to

im not a jerk

sorry if i come across as one sometimes

if i just listen to you overreact and dont say anything 
you continue to let it ruin your day...

but then i try to tell you to shake it off
and i ruin your day anyways simply because i said something

maybe i should just let you sink down... 

(and to you... this isnt about some little situation with cleaning something up...)

thats just a small glimpse of what continues to happen on a deeper level.
and im sick of it 
and i dont know what to do....

I want to be led.
I want wisdom, not confusion.
I want to talk when I'm supposed to
and shut up when im supposed to...
this has got to get dealt with...
and then when I'm upset, it seems to upset everyone...

people say Ive got to really learn that I am not always right,
sure i know that I cant always be right, no one can, but I want to see when I am not right.
because usually when people say
"you think your always right" i rarely see where i was wrong...
thus i just feel attacked... and like they see something i don't and im never shown where im wrong... ignorance is not always bliss.
I know im not always right but I refuse to believe I am always wrong...

Will someone just show me? 
without attacking me? ahhh.... the connection... 
I had that and then got the worse attack by that relationship coming to a sudden stop.
I finally found someone who had the guts to flat out call me out when I was wrong...
I could be extremely excited about something I thought was right and he would look me in the eye and say your wrong, heres why... or at least here is what u can do.
And in that time i grew more and faster than ever...
and even tho hearing your wrong WITH being shown why initially stings, its a lot less painful than all this other crap.
but now he is gone.

thats why this hurts so bad. 
and thats why i was drawn to him. cuz i want to be cut 
and not always just be shown whats right.
and ya know what? he did care.
i know he did. he showed me. 

but then his lack of integrity led him in to a downward spiral 
where now it looks like he couldnt care less. 
because his focus is just off...
i still believe in him. 
i dont care what anyone says.
i cant just disconnect myself...
i say bye, but i dont wanna say that.
he did too much for me and so many others...
i dont want closure... 
i want to see him restored and renewed.
I believe it. 
Thats my calling. 
The one that he helped me tap into.

I dont know what to do,
but my eyes are on You.


You don't know what you've done to me
and you don't even care.
Actually, you probably do know.
and you still dont care. 

The Lord lets you be intimately involved 
in the lives of those you are around.
But you only care about yourself and what you know.
You don't have the integrity to back this up.

It almost makes me want to pray 
that God takes that gift away
Because without integrity and care, 
you only hurt people.

and i'm not the only one. 
but once again I'm sure you know that too.
not that you care.
as long as you dont get hurt anymore right?

I know you know whats right
Yet you still choose to do wrong.
Didn't you learn?
That is the definition of a fool.
Thats one of those things
you did need to be teachable on
and you know it.

Sometimes I say a thing or two 
just to see if you take any interest at all
But all you give me is a "hey, I'm good"
and "cool."
You could at least say you don't want to talk to me.

I never did anything to you 
and  you know it.

Sure I probably shouldn't have let this bottle up, 
but I did. 
And you know why?
Because what I really wanted
is for you to talk to me
But obviously thats not gonna happen.

I don't even know
that I could believe an apology
at this point.
But something in me 
still wants one.

I thought you could get excited
for me when I do stuff for the Kingdom 
knowing that you were a voice
that helped make it happen. 
and I could have the security 
of you sending me out. 
Looks like you were wrong. 
and so was I. 

But thats ok. 
There is no void there
The Lord has provided 
that and so much more.

I don't need you anymore.
at all.
but too bad that doesn't take away 
the pain.

I defended you
time after time after time after time
more than you know.

I walked thru so much dirt just to keep you out of it
because i believed in you

and you know what? 
way deep down
I still do.

You can't continue like this.
we all see that. including you.

but i believe in what you can be... later on.
if you choose it.
or even now.
o well 
the ball is in your court.

but for now I must do this for me. 

I forgive you.
and you won't slow me down. 

Monday, August 18, 2008


Main Entry:
\ə-ˈrij-ə-nəl, -ˈrij-nəl\
14th century
1archaic : the source or cause from which something arises; specifically : originator
2 a: that from which a copy, reproduction, or translation is made b: a work composed firsthand
3 a: a person of fresh initiative or inventive capacity b: a unique or eccentric person

Awake O Sleeper! ARISE from the dead and Christ will shine on you!
Ephesians 5:14

To really awaken is to go to the source. the Originator. Through Christ alone, we can be people that tap into the heart of the one who created everything. In the Kingdom should we not then have the most creative and fresh ideas in all areas? From music to events to inventions to medicines, the list goes on and on.  Shouldn't we use our gifts and passions for the things that give Him the greatest glory?
If the King has your heart, absolutely any passion you have can be used to bring Him glory. 

If we are going to arise from the dead and walk in all God has for us, we must go to the source and seek Him out above all else.  He created all. Everything He did, everything He made was original. 
He is the source from which all things arise.

Sons and Daughters of the Most High, I charge you- be an original that looks like the Originator, not a copy of someone just attempting to  have His power and beauty. 

Monday, August 4, 2008


I was reminded how much I look up to someone yesterday
when they made a statement
without thinking twice about it.

oh the drama one statement could cause if the right person found out.
but that wasn't a concern for them.

[Disclaimer: it wasn't my pastor so no one start anything else k?]

but the person who said it sees hope for change.
and is being the change
thus can talk with a pure and honest and loving heart.

but that little statement encapsulated so much...
and unfortunately there is no denying its truth.

"Church of God Cleveland, TN has ruined people"

that statement and all that surrounds it, is a picture of cleveland right now...
you have people that love the Lord but are confused by all the division.
they get sick and tired of it so they leave the church
thus most of the time straying away...
but knowing and longing deep down-
so they show back up.
but havent dealt with the junk
so they let it build up on the inside.

Theres so much bitterness that only the Lord can deal with.
and He's doing it.

He's shaking views
and healing wounds

He is revealing Himself inside and outside of church.
so we see the need for the church
and the importance of moving outside.

He is opening our eyes to people
instead of just systems.

The waters have sat still long enough
He is bringing all the dirt and grime and junk

No hiding it underneath anymore.
Now everyone can see it.
all of it.

Yet at the same time,
He is letting us see glimpses of the beauty that is going to come from all of this.


Church of God Cleveland, TN-
You are more than a system,
You are people.
I believe in you.
and I love you.
His ways are best and you know it.
and you want it deep down.
So stay strong, stay faithful.
Because He is stronger and more faithful to us than we could ever be to Him.
See what He wants not what you want.
But in order to see, you have to open your eyes.
Keeping your eyes closed blocks out the light
and I know thats not what you want.
Wake up and see the sunrise
for Joy comes in the morning.
It really does! You taught me that.
Really there's a lot you taught me,
but seem to have forgotten.
You taught me that I won't find fulfillment
by trying to have one foot in the world
and the other in the door of the church
whatever that looks like--
be it my attitudes, my motives, my thoughts or my actions.
You taught me that I won't find fulfillment in stuff.
or by standing still in a seemingly safe place.
or even from people.
Yet you are standing still at a doorway that was opened for you
but you have one foot in and one foot out
and you are looking around for stuff and people.
And thats why so many of my brothers and sisters
are falling away from you
or walking-- no, sprinting away from you.
And of the ones that are staying
many are so hurt and scarred
that its going to have to be a
"thus and no other,"
pure move of God
to heal and restore.
and renew.
So how's that going to come?
Through you, through me.
But only if we are willing to praise
when we dont feel like praising.
and love
when we don't feel like loving
and come together
even when we don't agree on every little thing
and worship with our lives. all the time.
There's enough of us that want this--
so He is coming and He won't be stopped.
Coming with us?

[and to Westmore... don't you see? You are such a prophetic picture of a larger body... just a thought...]