Thursday, November 27, 2008


fabulantastic= fabulous, fantastic and the combination of those feelings, A RANDOM EXPRESSION OF JOY AND PEACE that just came out of my mouth one day and kinda just stuck.

Labrina told me to write a blog  about it so I did.  In reality it works great to describe where I am at right now. I don't really understand what the Lord is doing right now, but I have so much joy and peace in this season. My list of questions was definitely lengthened today with the death of Perry Keyt.  I was so encouraged by Melissa's strength  from an email I read  just after I had written the bottom part of this blog:  "God is a mighty God and I trust His plans and His ways, even when I don't understand. We will praise Him just because He is Worthy!"
WOW. What strength. Its incredible to see her have a heart of praise even in the midst of the death of her husband. What an encouragement she is to praise our God instead of sitting on our questions.  Life right now for so many is unpredictable and filled with I don't knows, but I'm learning more and more that His ways are so much better than ours. We can all walk in that kind of strength if we can put our trust in Him.  
Its all part of  "The ______ of the ______." [btw. that thing in quotes right there, that will be a book one day, but the blanks will be filled in... just thought i'd throw that out there.]

Majoring in the minor key
Rinsing with resolve
Constructing the skibobble
Preparing for the milter.


Belief without reason
Yet every reason to believe
Core giving credence to entirety
Reconnoitering the perspicuous opacity


Ceaseless depths
Wresting deepest desire
Sovereign roar
Whispering sweet


Captivate me liberating surrender
Free me from my freedom
Dominate my control
Come reveal.

..."blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."

Sunday, November 23, 2008


why is it that I have always hungered for that atmosphere but can't seem to ever get close?

is that the easy route?

it seems so right, yet the wind blows me only to watch from a distance...

i know their names and their hearts
yet they have no idea who I am.
The same page factor weirds me out sometimes.
and the dreams.... wow.
whats that hallway thing? and that building and that shirt? and that rollercoaster and that park?

i don't have to know, but what in the world?
I'm completely cool with You doing this, I just don't get it.
is it just about prayer?
maybe, but i doubt it.

Show me.

Lord You know my heart and my desires
and i trust You.

Give me wisdom in this
You know what I need much more than I do

but if You are waiting for me to ask, here is my asking:

God will You orchestrate this in the timing that is for Your greatest glory and my greatest good?

Whatever You want, thats what I want. Where do I end and You begin?

and also... when I think about that not-yet-named thing.... it looks so much like this- so why isn't it? 

Is it a Timothy?
or is it a Barnabas?
or somehow both?
or neither?

not gonna lie. i feel like i have a thriving child in me thats pretty much way past its due date.
but i guess i shouldn't attempt to attach my concept of time to a Kingdom that operates outside of the limits and boundaries of time.

show me where to walk
show me where to stand
and where to avoid 
tell me when to move 
and when to be still
teach me what to awaken 
and what to put to rest

okay, okay i'll stop striving to make this happen...
So I'll say it simply,
just help me stand on Your feet and let You dance our dance.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


alright here's the deal
I'm not trying to be selfish or prideful- that is not my heart, and God, if there's any of that in me, get rid of it...

Ok so times are rough right now for a lot of people, financially, emotionally, and just with all kinds of stuff. 

So we talk and hear all about faith. It's awesome, and encouraging... but I can't get away from this question.
When are we going to BELIEVE?

When are we going to let our faith arise and walk in righteousness again? 
Hard times are not an excuse to live in sin. Period.
Hard times are not justification for complacency and stagnation either.

I have never had to live in really hard times, and I am thankful, but its in moments like this one right now that I wish I could understand. I'm blessed and I love life, but how do I bridge this divide?
Would I think differently if I was in the middle of the situation myself? That I do not know, but I can't sit around and try to figure that out... I just need to express what I'm feeling and walk in what I know.

I feel like the only way we are going to get out of this funk is through the power of the Holy Spirit. I wanna see a bunch of people filled with the Spirit, and then soak in His presence, and be so changed by His presence that we really begin to walk in the power that we just tapped into. 

Over and over and over again in the Word when faith is mentioned, its right next to miracles and salvation.... We have enough faith to believe God created the universe but we can't believe that He will provide for us? 

We have made faith all about our behalf. Do I really believe that God can do this for me?

We need to get over ourselves and know that we are taken care of. He is our dad.  
Dad knows how to take care of His kids. Maybe not all dads do, but this One is perfect. Hasn't He proved Himself faithful to you time and time again?

I'm so ready to make faith about miracles and salvation, vs. petting us when we are wallowing around in self pity. 

I know so many are struggling, but think of how much faith people could begin to have to see the miraculous in their situations if they saw miracles happen for others...
Where is our power?

I believe that we really just need to REALLY know how much God loves us. And then let that propel us into the cycle of worship where because of His love, we worship Him, and then He shows us new levels of Himself which gives us a heart to worship some more and then He shows us Himself in all new ways which gives us all the more reason to worship and then He shows us even more of Himself which stirs our love and hunger even more to worship Him and then.... you get the point. 

If we could really know His love for us, I believe we would begin to believe all the other promises He makes about us, thus we would walk in great faith that our God will do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. 

If we could really root our confidence in Him, our focus could get off of us and faith could be about the Kingdom and its advance.

For the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy, in the Holy Ghost.

If we will walk in the righteousness we know we are supposed to walk in, He will give us peace and joy.  But it can only be done IN the Holy Ghost. Our power comes from God alone. We have to get our focus back on God and His Kingdom, and inviting others into this Kingdom.

I want to see this harvest thats talked about. 
I want to walk in the power of Holy Spirit and be led into fulfilling everything on His heart.
I want to see miracles.
I'm honestly tired of hearing, this generation is like an army, an army is arising, this will happen, that will happen and all that stuff... Let's be that army NOW instead of expecting it to pop out of nowhere one day. We ARE that army. The generation on the earth right now can be mighty, but we have to take our focus off of self and fix our gaze on the only one who deserves it.

Our faith will increase as we worship and see our King and learn of His love,  but also as we walk out our faith and thus begin to see all we keep hearing about.

I believe. 
I have faith. 
I'm so ready for this. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


"don't leave"
I cried out. I wanna see the face of my King. I wanna hear the heart of my father.
Then a father prayed about that heaven inside of me.
i saw a room in His house. 
first it was this big simple cream colored room
and then it was a room full of tree trunks.
with a fire in the middle and we were gathered around singing.
but He was the fire.
It was inside so that we never had to leave.
everything we see on earth outside, was inside His house. 
Nature was thriving. 
and then the room was these gorgeous white floors. i think it was pearl. kinda looked like awesome marble. 
regardless of how it looked, it was always BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING.

"this is the sound of my living room"
it was beautiful.
and refreshing.

i have spent so much time simply being aware that i can walk in and out of His house anytime that i want. 
i've gone in just long enough to be able to tell people about it.
and i've simply told them instead of just inviting them in.

but tonight He said over and over.
"don't leave"
"don't leave"

then  I saw myself at different times in my life, when people would come over and I would beg them to stay. 
All my life I've been that way. 
I have moments where I won't seem to let people leave. 
To the point where I pretty much stop only because I feel like I'm getting annoying.
Then usually once they leave, I sit there and say to myself, "why did you try and try and try to get them to stay? you really don't need them here for anything." That is very true, but there is just something about having the person there in that moment that drives me to trying to convince them to stay.
He reminded me of the way I feel in those moments 
and He was that way towards me tonight- kinda giddy,  a little crazy...
"Don't leave. Don't leave."
He doesn't need me, but oh how He longs for me to stay!

Calling people in from the north, south, east and west has a whole different meaning to me now. I used to just walk out of the house to go find people to tell about what I was experiencing. 
I have tried to convince them of something I should have been calling and inviting them into.
I will now call out loud enough for the ones outside to hear me from inside the house. Spirit sound transcends physical sound waves so they are going to be drawn in by a sound that they can't even figure out how they are hearing until they are in there. 
Everything makes sense in His house. Walking outside to tell them about whats inside--- it has always seemed like the logical thing to do. Probably because that is logical. And really, now that almost doesnt even make sense to me anymore. My Spirit is 100% spirit. And my physical body was made to interact with a Spiritual God because it was created by Him as an expression of His character. Thus I will call from the inside. and they will hear.
 No more trying to convince from outside- only inviting from inside. 

I sat there like a kid on a carpet square. Taking in every ounce of the unfolding story, but here the story was already unfolded, and unfolding. I sat there and just stared at the flame in front of me.



This word, His word. 
Its like  a fire inside of me right now.

To theElement, and all the other vessels in labor with this thing:
What if you didnt settle?
What if you didnt stop?

You feel this. I know you do.
You've seen the Lord move this week, but we all know there is so much more that is on the brink of happening.
Let your holy dissatisfaction stoke the fire inside of you.
Don't let this fire die!

What if you chose to keep this thing going?
What if you guys called the church and said, " Hey were gonna need the sanctuary Friday and Saturday night. "
And you kept praying. and you kept worshipping. 
and you go at it till you birth this thing.

When a woman is in labor they dont wait till her contractions are really strong then send her home.
Some may come visit and then leave, but the one carrying the baby DOES NOT QUIT.
It doesnt matter how long it takes, they do whatever they have to do to birth the baby.

I so strongly believe that there is enough fire shot up in enough bones to sustain this. 
Whatever you have to do, whatever it looks like--
and DO NOT live to tell about it... let this process kill the "you" inside of you. 
Let this propel you to a life dead to yourself and alive in Christ. 
Let it purify you. 
Walk in it. 
Stay in it. 
Live in the flow of the Spirit. 

You CAN see the sick healed. 
You CAN see souls saved.
You CAN see compassion grow in the hearts of God's people.
You CAN see the dry, dead bones awaken to all God has.

I know you feel this, and I know you know you can get there.
So whats stopping you?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


God I am ready for this.
I told you just the other day that I was ready to see something that I haven’t seen and hear something I haven’t heard.
You know, your people HAVE been praying about our next president.
God You raise leaders up and bring them down.
I said a while back that I was confident that Your hand was in this election.
That belief has not changed.
So God, really this kind of excites me.
This is definitely something new.
I can really say I am not sure what You are doing with this election.
But I TRUST You.
And I have faith and expectation that You are moving.
Your people prayed so I believe this is fulfilling Your plans.
Even if I don’t see it right now.
God I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president that is so pro-abortion. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president who was mentored by someone who claims Your name, but seems to be filled with such hate. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why there was a clear word from You for Sarah Palin “for such a time as this,” if she wasn’t going to be elected as VP. But I do know that she doesn’t have to be in that position to be Your Esther for this time. You DO use the weak things to confound the things which are mighty, so who’s to say her impact couldn’t be potentially even greater with her in a "weaker" position? I trust You.
I don’t get all of this, but I don’t have to.
Your are moving. And I commit to move with You
Wherever You go, I will go.
You’re doing a new thing
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
I love You.
And I am excited and confident that in all areas I will begin to see something I haven't seen and hear something I haven't heard.
So God, bless Barack Obama. Lead him, guide him, speak to him. 
Be with our nation. 
God, bless America. 
Send revival to our land, renew us in the things of You. 
Move so powerfully that no one can deny it is You. 
Lord, in all we say, in all we do, be glorified.