opening.

Tonight some friends came in to the room. They helped chip away at the stack (what room and what stack you ask? I described it here).

And you know whats awesome about it? The stack wasn't even brought up. It was just dealt with through a good dose of Holy Ghost refreshing and a beautifully functioning body.

I feel alive tonight. I feel awake. I feel like the glass is just a little clearer. I was honest with the Lord, and He, through that beautifully functioning body, responded to me with liberating truths. He is so good. I am more and more convinced of it every day.

I've also been doing some chipping away myself. Its actually been by doing things that I actually thought may have been part of the source of the stack. What I thought had the potential to add to it, has actually helped get rid of it. Crazy how that works huh? Let me explain.

I was so caught up in trying to "ready myself" for what the Lord wants to do, that I was making it about me. He showed me that if I was truly "ready" when He showed up in power, that it would seem like He did so because I was ready. So for now, I'm opening myself vs. readying myself. I've shifted back to doing things for the Lord out of desire and not just discipline or obligation.

Also, I am learning His voice and trying to just "go with it" even when I question if it was just me... Theres such wonder in hearing and obeying. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong, and many times, I just don't know. Regardless, I would rather err on the side of obedience vs. passivity. Its not easy, but He is worth the journey.

I love His teachings.

honesty.

I come today with a new honesty. Really, I almost named this blog "a new honesty." but i'm just so set on this one word title thing.... anyways.

I've been in Good Hope, GA since last Sunday with little two year old Bella while her family is on the Israel trip with Dr. Lowery. I was greatly urged to take advantage of this 2 weeks by some awesome friends. My response every time this was said to me was, "don't worry, I will."

I wanted to get here and pray and read the Word and read books and do some writing while of course taking great care of Bella.

Well, week one has come to a close, and its looked nothing like I expected. I don't really guess I am surprised by this, what in my life has looked like I expected it to?

Although, as I reflect on this past week, I don't feel like I have been entirely unproductive, I mean, I guess I've learned some things, but overall... I'll be honest (hence the title), I haven't really written, or read much- books or the Bible, nor have I spent much time in prayer.

Now don't get me wrong, I live consistently aware of the Lord and don't know how to not think about Him, but I'm fighting for focus right now. And probably really not fighting, moreso just using the battle as an excuse to sit w/o doing much of anything.

I can't really tell you what I have filled my time with. I haven't done anything wrong, but instead I've simply not done. Sins of omission are my issue, not sins of commission.

Yet, here's where my struggle lies. I refuse to enter into a place of striving that causes confusion. I don't want to be Martha. I want to be Mary and sit at His feet. Yet I recognize that right now, I'm just sitting.

I guess it kind of feels like this:

I'm in a room, just me and Him, but instead of being so close, at His feet, I'm on the opposite side sitting in a chair, hearing Him beckon me and with everything with me wanting to come to Him. But it feels like theres a stack or a wall as high as the ceiling of stuff between He and I. I can still hear Him, I can see Him a little through the cracks between the stuff and I want with everything in me to get over there, I just don't know how. The thought of breaking through that wall tires me out. I'll explain why.

Sometimes His voice is hard to hear because some stuff in the pile makes noise and I can't really make out what He is saying. Other times, the room is just silent. Thankfully I can see Him through the cracks.

Sometimes I sit and make a list of all the ways I'm gonna start tackling this pile, but the moment I get out of my chair and approach it, I fall asleep. Trust me! With everything in me I don't want to fall asleep. So I end up falling down on the hard floor taking a nap. Then I get up sore and go sit back in my chair attempting to regain enough strength to walk over to that stack again.

Sometimes I decide that I'm gonna look at everything and see if I can figure out how to make it leave, then I notice my eyes are on the stuff again and not on Him. So I find a crack and gaze.

Sometimes I walk over to the pile and pick up a book, trying to find a paragraph, a sentence, a word- some kind of solution for all of this and then everything starts being so loud again, to where even the best scholars couldn't concentrate. So I wander back over to my silent chair and sit-staring through the cracks to make sure He is still there.

Of course, I always know that He will be, He's never left me or forsaken me.

Sometimes friends come and stand next to me and talk- I love it, they encourage me and give me strength and sometimes don't say a word. They just stand there and gaze at Him with me. I often wish that they in their strength could help me rid the room of the stack, but they don't seem to know how to get rid of it either. Either that, or they are pretty confident they know how, but they leave without touching it. Sometimes I think He doesn't let them. Others, I don't think they see it. And some, they see it just like I do- and they hate it just as much as me, but they don't know the answer either. So they comfort me with their hugs and step out.

Sometimes, the room is flooded, on both sides and on top of the stack with people worshipping. Some are even in the middle of it, its almost like they and the stuff are in the exact same spot. I can't get to those places though, because of that pile, the pile that isn't even there for some of them. When the room is full, those are the times when the top part of the stack kind of falls over onto my side and makes a bit of a ramp. In those moments I can run up and dance on top, seeing Him like I only get to in these moments. In these times, I hear and see so clearly. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in His eyes and the joy of everyone around, that I become almost certain its gone. Then, they leave and its like one of those blowy, noise maker, party things- its sticks straight out when you blow into it and rolls right back up the moment you quit.(unless you have one of the ghetto ones like at Christina's party, but thats beside the point and does not work for my illustration...) Anyways, when they leave, the ramp rolls right back up and I slide down and plop down in my chair again. Now sometimes the Ramp rolls up slowly, but needless to say, it ALWAYS rolls back up. Why? Heck if I know, I don't even know why the whole thing is there in the first place. I can't even tell you what all the stuff is- its just stuff.

THAT is the very reason that I never want to stop. I'd love to see revival hit where we just stay in a consistent flow, and people don't ever leave that room, so that I don't have to worry about the wall.

At least I'm in the room with Him, I'm honored that He would continue to be with me, and to beckon me, I just wish I knew how to get over there or stay on top or...wow. I guess I just realized something. I suppose I have been on top of the stack where I can see clearly and hear clearly and dance with absolute freedom, but I don't guess I've ever made back down onto His side where I can sit with Him. Maybe I've never tasted freedom in its truest sense. Maybe all February 26,2007 (the day I was freed from confusion) did was unclog all the holes so I could see through the cracks.

So, what to do?

I know, I know, "prayer and fasting and seeking."

Or the other answer, "you don't have to do anything!"

So which is it?

A healthy balance? Maybe. I don't know, but I wish someone would help me achieve that, or tell me how to not do anything and still be doing those things, or get rid of the stack for me, or tell me how to get over there, tell me how to get entirely rid of the big wall of stuff, or...... just something.

A lot of people would just get too frustrated and walk out of the room completely complaining that its just too hard, but I would never, could never, will never, ever, ever do that.

Because He has ravished my heart. His compassion and love overwhelms me. I'm madly in love with Him and He with me. I will never ever leave this room. He and I both know that.

I'm so close to Him, but I won't stop. I must get to His feet on the other side of this thing.

With tears welling up in my eyes, I'm asking, will you help? Even if you don't know how, maybe at least now you will be aware.

I need you desperately.

commitment.

Lord I commit to look at Your face and not just Your heart. I will draw near to who you are through obedience to Your Rhema and Your Logos. I commit to read and to run. I'm running into Your open arms again. Lord, I refuse to just seek out what is on Your heart for me to do, but instead I seek out intimacy with my King. Lord, instead of searching for Your heart, I'm going to let You see mine. Through this, I will be positioned to gain Your heart instead of just seeing whats on Your heart with no means to fulfill it. This is my commitment my Lord, Here I come.

detour.

I'm connected with a ministry called the Extreme. I posted a blog on our myspace today- check it out: Ice Cream Detour

again.

I want to fall in love all over again 

Capture me in your arms

I need your strength and power

Jesus I need You to come and fill me

all over again

Lord I commit to you today all over again

I've had to say it over and over

Yet Your grace still covers me

and You welcome me into Your presence

all over again

Teach me to find everything in You all over again

teach me to rid myself of myself more each day

Teach me to sound like You 

and walk like You, and talk like You

all over again

God I want You to consume my thoughts all over again

I pray that You fill my mind with whats on Yours

I need clarity and wisdom 

and for You to renew my mind

all over again

Lord I am overwhelmed by Your love all over again

thank You for never ceasing to amaze me

You are more than enough for me

Just thinking on You, I'm falling in love

all over again

unleashed.

1.  So I think its pretty weird.... 

that some of the people I'm closest to these days have never seen that side of me.

I don't know what it is... I get into what has been affectionately called "mander unleashed" mode. and i dont even know what goes on. lots of laughter, and lots of insanity. and really this whole side of me that could potentially be VERY annoying to many people, I mean really. it almost annoys me. but not around certain people. hmmm.... maybe its the whole, be all things to all people? who knows. not me. of course what do i know these days??

2.  in other news, I need to write, yet never know what to write. 

I still get asked all the time what I am doing. well um. I know that I'm not going back to school. and that the Lord has been showing me that I need to write more. well I often sit in front of a notebook or a computer and stare... and get like halfway through a sentence and usually not even finish it. really, the purpose of this here blog, is just so I'm writing... this is better than nothing.

3.  I remembered tonight part of the reason why I love being at the Element. the ways of thinking some of these people have are so far beyond normalcy. really, its just stuff I never really seem to think about otherwise. Like for example tonight- they were talking about God's will.  And if we are supposed to just seek the Lord and make our own decisions knowing that by seeking God we will be in His will no matter what we choose, or if we are supposed to wait around for confirmation and a direct word as far as what to do. Personally, I lean more towards the latter, but really in between. Yes, seek the Lord, use wisdom, consult authority, etc. I dont necessarily think theres anything intrinsically wrong with just choosing things, but I have seen the unique beauty that comes from waiting on the Lord. 

Well. there it is. a few thoughts on paper (or computer screen- whatever). Its a start. more like a re-start I guess. 

follow.

I am done asking why. 

I've been asking the Lord that question for too long. 

And attempting to make sense of things that probably aren't meant to make sense.

So often I question what I think the Lord might be saying to me instead of just doing it. 

And you know what? its not too often that I get an answer. 

All it does it create stress and really the hated word, confusion. 

Why would I create something I hate? 

Thats why I'm done asking why. 

Its time to just act on what I feel the Lord is saying. 

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. 

Holy Spirit will show me if its displeasing to Him.

If I am right and it simply makes no sense, chances are, it will in the future. and if not, so what. its not my will I am after anyways. If He wants me to do something for no reason at all, I'll still do it- just to please my Father. 

And the 'What ifs' and regrets are just dumb. 

I'm over that too. It gets me nowhere. 

So for everyone who wants to know what in the world I'm doing, 

I've been saying, I don't know, but really, I do know. 

Following the cloud and the fire. And gathering stones on the journey.

faithful.

Hebrews 3:1-3 (The Message)
1 So, my dear Christian friends, companions in following this call to the heights, take a good hard look at Jesus. He's the centerpiece of everything we believe,2 faithful in everything God gave him to do. Moses was also faithful, 3 but Jesus gets far more honor. A builder is more valuable than a building any day.


God I pray that we have the revelation of how faithful You are.
When we are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, let us remember that its only a shadow.
Let us take comfort in your faithfulness. For Your love never fails. 

By You, O God, I stay amazed.

Faithful Lord, when You get the greatest Glory, I get the greatest good.

When I am hurting, You are faithful to mend my brokenness.
When I am dry, You are faithful to wash me in Your cleansing flood.
When I am weak, I am so very strong. For Your faithfulness remains- its  my weakness that perfects Your power.
Thank You Lord for being faithful and just to forgive my sins.

You never leave me or forsake me.

God You are the faithful God-
The one who keeps Your covenant of love to a thousand generations to those who love You and keep Your commands.
The one who does no wrong, You are upright, and just.
The one who shows Yourself faithful to the faithful.
The one who keeps us strong.
The one who protects, cleanses, and forgives.
The Creator who cannot deny Himself, thus remains faithful even in our faithlessness.
You are Faithful in all You do.
You are the rider on the white horse, called Faithful, and True. In righteousness You judge and make war.

Your faithfulness makes it so easy to trust You.
May I learn to be faithful to You, Jesus, just as You have been faithful to the Father.

Faithful and True, I honor You today.

Selah.

urgency.

Never in my life have I seen and heard so much emphasis and talk about the end times. 

Never in my life have I sensed such an urgency in the Spirit -- theres such a drawing towards prayer right now- prayer without ceasing.

We are reaching a point where the dividing line between the saved and the unsaved will begin to become very clear. For so long, so many have claimed to be saved and have not lived a lifestyle that brings glory to the Father.

 The Lord is placing a demand on our commitment right now. 

We as the body of Christ are in a time where our faith, belief, and trust are being tested in so many ways.  The Lord is drawing hearts and revealing Himself to His people. 

We are reaching a point where we must decide- die to ourselves now or die an eternal death.

The middle ground is fading away. 

I sense an urgency in the Spirit like never before.

I long to see the face of my King like never before.

No longer will I sit still waiting on life to happen around me. 

No longer will I feel as though there is nothing to do.

No longer will I be shy about the beauty of the Father. 

I am so over what people think.

For so long I have said people don't bother me, yet I change what I talk about around so many people as to not be viewed as "overly spiritual."

I am so over that! 

I take delight in the fact that people will be able to see that I am in such an intimate, close relationship with the King of the Universe. There is absolutely no shame in that, what an honor!

I have a peace and a confidence that will sustain me and propel me into the promises the Lord has shared with me. 

However, I am realizing more and more that my life is not to be lived with the focus on getting to that promise, but focus on Glorifying the Father and being placed into that promise. 

I cannot get myself there. Learned that one.

I WILL live my life to bring Glory to my Father every day. 

 

Is the Lord coming back soon? Well no man knows the day or the hour, yet I refuse to ignore the drawing that is  becoming so evident throughout the body. 

I don't know when the Lord will return, and what its all going to look like, but I will take heed to this drawing. I will bring Glory and Honor to my Father daily and live life with a constant awareness of the urgency of the hour. 

Whether the Lord is coming tomorrow or ten thousand years from now, He has marked this season with an intimate urgency for a purpose.

I will not ignore this.

WEIGHT IS EVIDENT.

strength.

STRENGTH ARISING

peace and boldness resound today

I am so thankful for all God has done today. Its been an incredibly refreshing day. The Lord knew my heart even though my body and emotions were screaming resistance. I'm so glad He sees past all that. He has blown me away with His faithfulness today. What peace and joy. And really, its been so easy. So--- not me. I've reached my end.  tired, worn out, weak, in pain.  I exhausted myself and all my resources. I gave up and He moved in.

There is so much joy in the freedom of this journey. Doing what I know to do makes life so easy. Its only my mind that complicates things. Simple obedience is such freedom. I am so in love with my savior. I love loving Him. Through the hurt, the pain, and the ' I don't knows'  its so so so beautiful. 

Thanks God for showing up and showing off today.  I love Your ways. 

and I love You, Precious One.

Selah.

weird.

how in the world.

i feel like I could do so much more

I feel like my commitment level to the Lord could definitely be greater. 

Yet I am the one who is looked at as 

weird, or out there, or extravagant, or waaaay spiritual... 

if culture decides what is "weird" as far as spirituality, 

then why don't some of us decide to be the weird ones who dare to walk in the things of the Lord and create a new normal.

What would that do for the next generation?

just a thought. 

confession.

all the time in the world to sleep

yet im so tired

i dont want to sleep

i want to do something

yet its so hard to do anything right now

i dont know how to do this right now

its like i dont even have the energy to come to the one who can give me rest

i need joy

im done with saying I am great

then the next minute feeling no so great

i am excited about being away from everyone. 

because then there is no one to ask me what I am doing. I get that question too many times, every single day. 

and then theres talking about 'the situation.'- just so you all know, I have more peace about that than anything else in life right now. I am not frustrated, or the least upset or angry about it. That whole thing has God all over it. Duh the situation was not of God, but He does not waste our pain or our mistakes. The only thing that even remotely bothers me about that whole thing, is facing judgemental people who do not know the heart of that family... anyways moving on. 

I just dont know

overall, i mean life is great, i have great friends, great family, 2 great churches to call home, great stuff, a great relationship with the King of the Universe

yet 

i am  

not 

okay. 

I'll admit it. 

I am weak.

I am not disciplined at all right now.

I am not using time wisely. 

I am frustrated. 

I need help.

I need my community. 

Yet I feel so distant from every community I have ever been a part of.

I want to commit, yet I refuse to jump into something that I don't feel released to do. 

I want direction, and want to plug in and connect somewhere right now more than any of you can imagine. 

Its not as easy as just choosing something. If only you knew what happens on the inside of me the moment I consider doing anything right now.

Nor is it easy to wait. too much time makes my already crazy mind go crazier.

I need help. I just want consistency. somewhere.

no thats not all I want. 

I just have to know. thats all. I want to know.

yes. I want to know what I am doing is right. whatever that is. and God knows I am open.

I know what I "need" to do with this time

I dont need that from anyone, my head is enough.

I know the "answers"

trust. wait. have patience. pray. ask God. read the word. connect somewhere. find someway to occupy your time. pray more. read the word more. discipline yourself. yet dont strive. declare the word over yourself. speak positively. read this book and that one. and on and on. i know. 

and I know all the scriptures about the peace of God, and trusting God and waiting on Him, and resting and burdens and all of that.

Yes I believe it all. but no I am not walking in it right now. yet I am. all at the same time. I'm well past the point of no return, so its not like I am sinking down, I am just weak.

I need you.

to pick me up

and carry me

and protect me

and dont let the enemy continue to do this to me

and, well, i dont even know. 

I just cant continue on like this. 

sure I can "continue on"

as i said, i am not sinking down, 

i will live life, and go to church and talk to people like normal

but i just at least need you to know whats going on, on the inside. 

i dont know how to tell u to help.  or what to tell you to do. other than pray. i guess that is all anyone really can do right now. and i just need you to know that i need you. whoever you are. and whatever that means.

unfailing.

I don't know where I am going,
and I'm not doing much of anything right now

Just waiting.
Its one of the most unsettling things ever

and it makes me feel like a lazy slacker
yet at the same time,

its the only thing that feels remotely right at the time.

not fun.

and every day, 14,000 people ask me what I am doing.
and all I can say is

I

DON'T 

KNOW.

Sure, I'm glad they're concerned, but I have nothing to say.

and I hate it. 

hmmm. guess that might be a good thing-- very humbling.

everyone has a different suggestion. 

and none of it feels right. 

at all.

I suppose I just have to pick some route soon...

or do I just continue to wait for the right door?

or is it already open and I am just blind to it?

I don't even have any idea whatsoever what the wise decision is here. 

sometimes, the whole trust thing, it stinks.

I just can't convince myself to choose any other way. 

It will be worth it. 

Its got to be.

In my life up to this point 

trusting God AND His timing

has ALWAYS paid off

I mean really. I'm reminded of a good ol' classic song-

I have so much to thank God for

So many wonderful blessings, and so many open doors....

For every mountain You have brought me over 

For every trial You have seen me through

For every blessing, HALLELUJAH

For this I give You praise...

I end up going places and doing things and getting to glorify God

in ways that not a lot of people get the opportunity to do

and its amazing.

I will endure through this,

I will continue to trust

and it will pay off. 

I know my God and I know He keeps His promises.

I am an olive tree in my Daddy's house.

I will trust in His UNFAILING LOVE. Always.

power.

Where is the power?

Does God have us in a season of waiting and testing?
or are we refusing His movement?

Will we walk in freedom?
or are we too proud to see that we are bound?

Are we welcoming His spontaneous intervention?
or are we embarrassed?

Are we open to His fire?
or are we refusing the pain that accompanies the glory?

Do we even want Him?
or are we fine with what we have?

Will we see revival?
or are we too arrogant to repent?

Can we break out of our complacency?
or are we just going to continue to wallow in self-pity?

Will we return to our first love?
or continue to look in all the wrong places?

Will we walk in the unity He desires for us?
or continue to wait till everything fits our taste?

Will we see the signs and wonders and miracles?
or is our focus only on our entertainment and convenience?

Will we see mass salvations?
or are we waiting for them to somehow stumble into our churches?

Will we even see salvations in our churches?
or will we miss opportunities because something isn't done our way?

Will we stand strong when our nation is weak?
or choose to believe we are in recession too?

Will we have confidence in the face of adversity?
or walk in fear as if we have no where to turn?

Have we forgotten our roots?
or have we forsaken them?

Where is the power?

Will we even ask the question?

belong.

[inspired by JonGreen]

Sure. there will always be moments where our feelings seem to get the best of us, but its important to remind ourselves of the truths that we KNOW deep inside the promises we can hide in our hearts. be encouraged:

We are all human. thus in your relationships you will have times of hurt, of pain, of disappointment. BUT there IS a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Wounds from a friend are worth it. Counsel that comes from the heart of a friend makes the heart rejoice. Strive to be the friend you see in scripture, and you will reap what you sow. Love at all times. Stick closer than a brother and let iron sharpen iron.

Sure, bear one another's burdens, but lay down your burden for the Lord's. For His yoke is easy and His burden light. It fulfills the law of Christ to bear the burden of another, but He also promises that His burden is light... Therefore even the burden of another MUST be light if carried within the context of God's word.

Your King. The King of the Universe. He desires intimacy with You. You know How much He wants it? He reached and is reaching down to a tiny dot on a tiny blue dot in a tiny galaxy in a universe too massive for every ounce of our technology to discover.... wow. Thats who you belong to. Take joy. and comfort. and peace. and rest. and purpose. and life in THAT God. Your God.

silence.

I will never stop

chasing

I will pass this

test

I won't ever

quit

For when I am

weak

Then I am

strong

You are my

peace

In you I find my

zeal

Your grace is

sufficient

I am absolutely

thankful

For it is in my

weakness

that Your

power 

is made

perfect.

sovereign.

You are so beautiful
You respond to my longing
and my desires
and my earnest heart's cry

This is EXACTLY why I trust
You sustain me
You give me peace when the road takes an unpleasant turn
You give me joy

I don't deserve your faithfulness
You are provider to me
You are my strength
You are the God of lost things, big things and small things

Even though I still can't see what's up ahead
You come reveal yourself and assure me
NO, THIS LIFE IS NOT IN VAIN
Nor is this season you are in.

O God, how I long to be with you
How I long to know I am in your will
For you are so worthy of all of me
All I am is yours.

prophecy.

Resolutions usually don't ever work, because its about what we can and can't do. Thus I am going to prophecy over myself for 2009 because then its in His hands. and He is a lot stronger than me...and with prophecy i can step into things that I know I cannot do on my own. This is quite liberating--I encourage you to do the same for your own life.




Amanda Michelle Fisher,
I prophecy for 2009:
You are in a season of discovering the reformer in you. You will step into that role at an accelerated pace.
You are hearing the voice of the Lord clearer than ever and moving in whatever direction the Spirit leads.
Your eyes are being opened to the word and your mind is focused through His renewing power.
You have a renewed strength in your mind and body.
You will continually walk in exceedingly abundant joy.
You will discover a new peace through intimacy with the Father.
Your life of prayer will be deepened and you will be continually enticed by the Holy Spirit and love every moment of it.
You will have opportunities to nurture others until they can nurture themselves and you will complete this task almost without even realizing it.
The Spirit inside of you will change the atmosphere everywhere you go.
You will hear and obey the voice of wisdom.
You will love like you have never loved.
You will accomplish much for the Kingdom.
You will go where eyes have not seen and ears have not heard, all for the glory of the Lord.

reminisce. 003.

THE FOLLOWING IS A GROUP OF SEVERAL BLOGS I WROTE WHILE AT THE AZUSA STREET CENTENNIAL. (slightly edited to fit this progression of days) ITS TOO LONG FOR MOST PEOPLE'S READING ENJOYMENT, BUT I REALLY DID IT FOR ME. ANYHOW, ENJOY IF YOU WISH.
___________________________________________

Friday, April 21, 2006

I'm Here!
Ok so its weird to think that its actually here. My whole family has been talkin about the Azusa Street Centennial for like 3 years. For a long time i didnt even know what they were talkin about and then, the closer it got the more I have learned about it and anticipated it. So after all these months of my parents and other family members doing tons of preparations and traveling a lot, the time has finally come. Ok so really it doesnt officially begin till Tuesday, but there is some pre stuff tho.So ya. We are here. In LA. I am soo excited to see what the next several days will hold. Its gonna be RETARTED! (That basically means something along the lines of really insanely awesome, for you non-rampers who may have been confused). Anyways ya. Any of you feel free to call me at any time (505-3440) and I will let you know how things are goin. And I will also try to put some stuff on here. ByeBye!

----------------

Saturday, April 22, 2006


Whoa.
Current mood: jubilant

Heres an update... Whoa so today was really really awesome. Early today i went to a meeting with all the people running like the flow of traffic and the flow of people at azusa like the people who run the sports arena the coliseum and traffic directors and cops and stuff and then also like the main people running the centennial. it was pretty interesting to say the least. u dont realize how much planning has to go in to this kinda thing till u go to somethin like that. so ya and then i went with my parents and the main director dude billy wilson(who took my grandpas place) and his like secretary or something and we went to eat at this real good italian place. then on the way back to our hotel, we were sittin in the car and my dad was asking billy if he was going to this prayer thing at union church tonight and he was like no i have meetings but ya i think lou engle will do a great job. and i was like WHAT?! i just looked at my mom and she was like ya we were gonna let u be surprised. so then i was pumped. and so then we were at the room and my grandma got there and stuff and then after a while we left to go to the church. we got there early so we walked over to the original location of the azusa street mission building thingy.
Friday, April 21, 2006

so that was cool and then we went back to the church and wow it was crazy. Holy Ghost was all up in that place! it was awesome! it was a small church and there was only like maybe 50 people there. Before lou got up there, this dude was talkin and he was talking about how a bunch of youth he had been with were getting the revelation that awakening was gonna come through unity and then this guy took the mic (i think it was jessie engle but i am not positive. several kids were there with lou. ya. sweet.) and he started singin the chorus of you are holy and every body joined in and we sang you are worthy and you are holy. it was sweet. so then lou spoke

and it was awesome and he talked alot about God remembering the work of those who moved his heart and how we can change the heart of heaven. It was pretty sweet. and then we went in to prayin and several youth prayed on the mic at different times.

and then after we prayed for a while, we did this thing where we got in circles and talked and then prayed some more. it was pretty incredible.

And then these two old spirit-filled black ladies got up there and were shoutin and testifyin and dancin and talkin bout the old days and about what God is doing now and stuff. they were so cute! everyone was laughin. that was fun. i didnt get to talk to lou tonight cuz they had to leave, but i am pretty sure i will get to within the next few days. Ya so today was awesome. this blog is really long and that wasnt even all of it. Jesus blows my mind. And today is only the first full day of bein here...wow.

------------------

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Sweet!

This morning at like 9, there was a 3 mile Holy Ghost processional march thingy that went from the Bonnie Brae street house to the original Azusa Street location. The Bonnie Brae Street house was where the revival began with a prayer meeting, and then so many people were there that the porch collapsed and then they decided to move to a new location thus being 312 Azusa Street. (there was a sentence-long history lesson for ya.)

So anyways on the way there, our driver got us lost so we were a little bit late but not too bad. Well in the car we were talkin about how we didnt know how many people were gonna be at this thing and dad was like well maybe like 100 or so. So then we get to the Bonnie Brae house and were basically blown away.

So at first we were standing down in the road with everyone but then Jack Hayford spotted my grandma and so we got to go up right in front of the house with all the VIPs.

So then the march started. And we were at the front and could look back at all the people. And as the march went on we got to a couple hills and turns where we would look back and people just kept comin. So much for the 100 people! There ended up being 3-5 thousand! It was awesome!

So we went along for a long time and took lots of pictures and listened to music and talked to people and stuff . There was a lot of countries represented there. And there was different groups like the Bahama Brass Band and a bunch of Filipino's that were singin and flag groups and all kinds of people.



The parade ended up at the Azusa Street site where they have a tent set up on the original location of where the building was.

Jack Hayford led a thing out there under the tent for the people who were there before the processional got there.

Then all the people from the processional got there and then that began worship, prayer, singin, dancin, and shoutin, that is gonna go around the clock from what i understand. Sweet!



When all the people from the processional got there, they stayed outside at the tent stuff while we got to go in and eat cake and celebrate what was basically the kick-off event for the Azusa Centennial week. That was some good cake. There was like a ton of press people in there too and someone wanted to interview me but i passed on that one. haha.



David Bishop also presented his painting of the Azusa Street revival. Its pretty awesome.

After all of that, we went back to the hotel which is connected to the mall so we ate in the food court and then i went shoppin but didnt find nothin tho. of course. i stink at shopping. somebodys really gotta help me with that one day. then we went back to the room and went to my grandmas room and her sister was there too so talked to them for a long time and then we just stayed in the room and I talked to rachel and bree and people online and talked to linz and perry on the phone and stayed on myspace for a long time. Fun fun!

---------------------------------

Monday, April 24, 2006


Unity is a good thing.

Today we didnt much because it was sort of our day to rest i guess. So we were just in the room a lot and I went and ate at the California pizza kitchen with my moms boss and his daughter jacki. Later tonight we went over to Azusa street where they have been having around the clock worship and prayer. but before we went out there, me and my mom went to part of the rehersal of the covenant which is a musical they are gonna do here, cuz jacki is in it. So then at about 9:45 we went out to the tent and it was pretty cool. There was quite a few people there. and it was cool to look around and realize that we were some of the very few white people,but then i looked around and realized that there was a awesome mix of peopel all together. Many nations,ages,ethnic groups and denominations were all represented adn we just worshipped together. it was pretty sweet. so anyways these filipino girls sang and led worship and that went good and we all sang a bunch of old but good songs. and then my dad was taking a few pictures and then he motioned for me and mom to come up there. so the 3 of us sat up at the front and realized that were VIPs even when we didnt want to be. haha. because we were about to leave when we went up there and then the guy randomly had my dad speak and pray out of no where. it was funny. he did good tho. but ya tonight was really cool to realize how we could all come together in unity. and it was pretty awesome because of that.

------------------

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Azusa stuff. (World's longest blog)

I definately did not have time like at all to update this thing towards the end of the week in LA. and then once or twice I deleted blogs. Annoying... and then i had a busy week so ya. Here we go for some Azusa updates...I'm gonna start back at Tuesday to add pictures and stuff.



Tuesday
so today i got up really really early and we had to leave the room by 7:30. so we get to the convention center and there was already a bunch of people and more kept comin and comin and before we knew it people were in a big mob waiting to get in the door for the first general session with charles blake and ron kenoly. and the registration line grew and grew and started going way down halls and stuff. i didnt go in the session but could see it from the second story in the office where my dad was. its actually a really cool view from there cuz you can see everyone. it was cool to just look through the glass into the service and see thousands of people with their hands raised.

It was great to just sit back and take it all in that all this was actually really finally here and happening. then at 10:15, i went to a ministry tract (like a teaching session) on pentecostal worship in your youth group. well the guy that was supposed to speak had to be in argentina for a meeting so some other dude had to spoke and it was pretty good. nothin incredible, but good. then at 11:30, we didnt go to any of the tracts, me and brooke ray went and ate in the food court. then we went back over and went to a worship conference session and Christ for the nations institute was there and they did great. Jesus was there more than them so ya. good stuff. they sang eddies's lion of judah, that was good. ha. Then after them this dude named georgian got up there and he was well....interesting. he was a great violinist but his singin was kinda um different. but the weird thing is that he did everything to a track and it wasnt even a split track. so no live band no nothin... just him and the cd. o and the violin. and the crazy thing is that u could hear him singin and playin on the cd and on the mic and it wouldnt always quite line up...ya we definately couldnt take this guy seriously and we ended up just leavin. but it did us for a good laugh. then i ended up goin back to the hotel for a while then back to the convention center to hear benny hinn. so we got there and we decided to just listen and watch from the upstairs office through the window looking down into the service. so we went up there and it was awesome to watch. You hear peopel talking about a "wave" of worship, well ya i really understand that now. because we would watch and you really could see the wave of the spirit. it was incredible. like people responding at different times in different ways so it looked like waves. ya.

cool. we also saw this woman get up out of her wheel chair and start pushin it around. it was great. and then later he said if you are hungry for the spirit to go up there and so thousands of people rushed up to the front and so then we got to watch as benny hinn prayed for different sections of the crowd and it was like a wave or like dominoes people falling out under the power of the anointing of the spirit. and then like at one point my mom looked and saw like several people in different areas of the room all fall at the same time which was cool.so all that was fun. um after that i think i just came back to the room i dont really remember.



Wednesday
Today Darlene Zschech led worship in the morning session and that was great and then Brian Houston who is the pastor of Hillsong, spoke and he did a great job.


He talked about calling and purpose and about how what is in your hands, like what ur good at, is your calling. what you do, and whats in your heart, like who u wanna be, is your purpose and he talked about using whats in your hands to fulfill whats in your heart.
Then at 10:15, I went to a ministry tract called How to Birth your God-given vision. This guy Al Hollingsworth taught it and it was really awesome. Then I didnt go to a tract at the 11:30 time. Judy Jacobs did a tract at that time that I wanted to go to, but it was full and some people were being jerks basically about wanting to get in but the fire marshall stayed at the convention center to make sure we didnt crowd to many people in rooms. So ya. Then I ate with several of the Fisher family up in the offices. so that way we didnt have to leave the convention center. Then me and my momma walked around the exhibit hall some then i went to a few minutes of a worship session at 2. This girl Julie Meyer was there. I liked her a lot. Kinda reminded me of misty edwards or jessie rogers. Ya i know they sound a lot different, but ya basically just a prophetic edge to her music. Good stuff. Then I looked online later and i think she has done stuff with IHOP. Then I had to leave that early to head over to the Azusa site because in theater right by it, was a musical that I went to called the Covenant. It was awesome. I was actually in it a few years ago, but theyve changed some stuff and ya its awesome. Its the story of the nation of Israel and the Jewish people from beginning till present day. Most of the people in it are from Israel and they take this show lots of places but especially all over israel. They added a scene about Azusa street that was sooo powerful. Since my mom works with Ministry to Israel, she knows all these people so we went to th reception afterwards with israel people and pastors and important people basically. After we left there we got a taxi back over to the convention center and we went to the service that Claudio Fredzon and Carlos Anacondia spoke at. What i heard of it was good but i realized i am really bad at trying to listen to translators... then i think we came back to the room.

Thursday.
This mornin i had some really weird rash thing before i left which looked and felt like a sunburn so ya that wasnt good. but then before too long it went away... anyways...Rod Parsley did the general session.

That went really well. At 10:15 I went to a session called A Generation at Risk with Ron Luce. That was good. After that I think I just walked around and stuff and probably went and got junk food out of the green room and stuff and went and hung out upstairs in dads office and stuff. Ok so after the 11:30 sessions, theres not another session till 2. It was like 12 and all the sudden I look out in the hall and there was a massively massive line to get into the Apostolic and Prophetic ministy conference session with Bill Hamon. like hundreds of people. And it just kept growin. Like that session category had been really full all week but this was insane. and the room couldnt even hold that many so they were trying to figure out what to do so they moved a couple of sessions to other rooms and stuff. It was crazy. people everywhere. Then at like 1 i went down to the Re-digging the Wells of Azusa Street session that had also been really full all week. And i got in but had to go to the back against the wall. So I just sat there and watched people. It made me feel like crap too to see the way people were acting just to get in....For some of it I just wanted to be like people this is a Christian event so act like it. But anyways it was crazy and quite a few seemed to think that rules didnt apply to them. but it did make me really proud of some of the staff because they handled some crazy people really well. I was talkin to ashley wilson who was the centennial administrative coordinator, about it later like the next day or something and he said that a couple people came up and apologized after so at least they did that. Basically that whole situation made me realize how much you really do have to guard your actions to not get to that point and how it can be so easy to slip in to acting worse than u probably even realize if you dont. But on to the better part. After the session finally started at 2, it went really really well. Cindy Jacobs spoke. She's pretty awesome. Much of the time was her prophecying over random people. It was cool to see God move like that cuz she read a lot of people's mail.She talked about revival (obviously) and we had some good times of prayer and stuff and we spent some time in worship .Quite fun. All throughout the week, as I would be walking through the convention center, theres was always people prayin for each other or random Holy Ghost times right in the middle of the floor.

It was great to see that all week. Later I hung out with my friend Rachael Caffrey for a while and to make a long frustrating story somewhat shorter, basically we wanted to go to the youth service but some certain people she was with were being over protective and so we didnt have a ride and then finally we got one then ended up at the wrong place then finally got to the right place. The service was at a Church of God in Christ church, I love black people really. They are so much fun. The service was good, they did a couple cool drama/dance things and other stuff. Well a good chunk of the way before it was over, our ride shows back up and i was like guys i dont want to leave and so i will just ride the shuttle back and the guy didnt believe me that my parents would be ok with that so i let him talk to my mom on the phone so she said i could stay and they left. Well after they left, a guy spoke and we worshipped and danced and just had a good time and stuff, and i stood with this girl i had met earlier that night and stuff and we talked some and then 45 minutes later, one of the girls that was with the driver dude came in and was like ummmm he didnt feel comfortable leaving you here by yourself so we waited on you.... ya, that made me pretty mad... cuz #1 i was at a church service with a lot of centennial people, #2 my parents were fine with it, and #3 they made me think they had left... ya. i was not happy to say the least. Then after i got back to the room i talked to Johnny speed on the phone updating him on everything and he updated me on what was going on in good ol Cleveland, or maybe that was a different day. i dunno. anyways So parts of this day were quite frustrating, but parts of it were pretty awesome as well. The good definately outweighed the bad tho so ya.

Friday.
Today i got up late and later in the mornin i realized a had that weird sunburn lookin thing again and i later figured out that i was like allergic to the soap they had there. which was weird cuz i am not allergic to much of anything besides like cats. o well so anyways i got to the convention center at maybe like 10 i guess it was and then i hung out in my dads office and just walked around and ate and did whatever and then went down to help out wiht this luncheon that we were going to later. The luncheon was the Centennial Ministy Team(CMT) and the Fishers. the CMT is basically all the speakers throughout the week and all these well known people so it was cool to be with all them. My family was up at a table at the front and it was pretty interesting to see who all would come and jsut talk to us and its pretty crazy to actually be with all these people at one time. So we had a really good lunch then they honored the memory of my grandpa and then the guy who played like 75f the music in the Passion of the Christ and in other movies, played some cool instrument for us and then Rick Warren spoke on leadership and did awesome. That whole experience was fun but the only downfall was that it was like past 2 when it ended so i was missin lou engles session. but right after that was over, i went to the end of the session which was overly full but we got in (oh the power of a purple lanyard. gets ya anywhere. ha.) So i go in and i caught the last chunk of Lou's thing which was great of course and then heidi baker got up and spoke. She wasnt even scheduled to be there at all but the Lord told her to to come so she flew there for like that day in between flying to diffenent countries ha. she was really awesome and hilarious. then towards the very end of her thing, i saw Lou walkin out so i went ahead and left to cuz i knew he was headed up to my dads office cuz he was doin some interview thing. (my dad was over the media stuff). So once we were up there i got to talk to Lou and I told him hey from Ramp Cleveland and stuff so that was cool.

So a little later, i was txting rachel dotson and she asked what he said and i told her he had basically been like o ya cleveland, theres lots of roots there. and so she was like thats crazy cuz of Jessicas dream so then i was like whoa that is cool. A while back, Jessica Montgomery had had this dream where basically our prayer group was on this hill and we were told to dig down to the roots and then the holy spirit covered the whole hill once we had gotten down and dirty. wow. i just summarized a really long detailed dream in like 1 sentence. amazing. ha. anyways so ya it was cool that he had said roots. i knew he meant heritage, but it was still cool. so i got off the phone and was all excited about it and so i was tellin kay horner, who was like a secretary person about it and she was like Amanda. Look at this. and she pulls out her big ol azusa notebook and opens to the front page and hands me this piece of paper of where they had typed out points of a prophetic word given at a Azusa prayer meeting on Tuesday March 21, that went with that dream really insanely well. so then i was like really freakin out cuz Jesus just likes to continually blow my mind. so heres a copy of that...

The Word of the Lord came saying:
The Lord is doing a foundational work, it is a deep work, not shallow or flitting,
A deep prodding will cause a high flow, bringing new plants, new growth, and new revelation..
Out of the depths will come freshness, it is a freshness that will amaze many, including scholars, historians, and church and denominational leaders.
Movements thought long gone will find a new beginning. It will seem as though a generation has been birthed at once.
Dry, arid places will bloom with new spiritual flowers. Crusted, hard people will become softened.
I will dig beyond the flesh, beyond the carnal, and shallow. To the base, the core, out of this will come new life, new understanding.
Fresh manifestations will come, and even the secular will be amazed. It will be a chain reaction.
People who havent embraced the supernatural will grasp it and be amazed.
Do not mix and mingle that what is of man with that what is of me. Dig into the word
Rejoice at what I Am about to do says the Lord.

This prophetic word was delivered by Bishop Billy Wilson at 8:50 pm on the twenty-first day of March 2006 at the Tuesday night Azusa Street prayer meeting in Cleveland, TN.


Ya pretty amazing. So then i mentioned it to Lou a little later and he was tellin me about Dutch Sheets prophecy over Lee and stuff and i actually knew it better than he did ha but that was cool and then we talked for a sec. and he was sayin how theres definately good and bad roots in Cleveland and stuff. and then later after we had talked, i watched just a tad bit of the service and then talked on the phone and stuff and then later that nite i went down to a youth worship thing but people were comin in and out a lot and it was kinda confusing at what was going on and i ended up havin to leave to catch the shuttle back to the hotel but for what of it was there it was good. Then i went back to the room.

Saturday.
The big day! First thing this mornin, they had Reach LA. It was an outreach thing where Feed the Children brought 30 trucks.

Each of the trucks had 400 boxes in them. Each box helped feed a family for 2 weeks. So ya 12,000 families were helped out. Cool stuff. Today was the day where everyone came together in the sports arena and had a big together again meeting service thingy. It was pretty awesome.


I dont feel like typing a ton about it but if you wanna know what went on, just turn on TBN or Daystar at the right time or go to streamingfaith.com where that service and a lot of the others are achived. But ya it was pretty sweet. And then the youth convocation was awesome as well.
Ron Luce and Jentezen Franklin spoke and a few others. Good stuff.

One of the coolest things was when the whole CMT (centennial ministry team)layed hands on and anointed all the youth.

That was great. We all stood in huge lines and worshipped and prayed and then we would walk through one of the several lines of CMT people then go back to your seat and then just really enter in to the worship that was going on. But what was so cool for me, is that the line i went in, my grandma was in and so i get to her and we just stood there and hugged each other and she was cryin and was sayin i prayed i'd get you. it was a really cool moment cuz the reality of everything both of us i think right then. Cuz it was like whoa. 1.we were standing there in a line where the older generation was laying hands on the younger generation which was one of the main things my grandpa wanted to happen 2.grandpa wasnt there, but he had a much greater view of it all sittin up there with william seymour and all them, and God knows so it was ok. 3. It had been an incredible week. this whole thing had really happened. 4. the laying on of hands thing was about passing mantles which theres tons of stuff about that cuz of what God is revealing to me and others about my Grandpas mantle of spiritual renewal being passed to me... ya its crazy, and we all have questions of what its to look like and thinkin of the whole mantle thing at that moment was a bit overwhelming, God is way bigger than me, thats all i know... So ya all that combined was just really a surreal moment. Anyways and then afterwards we worshipped a while and it was awesome adn the Lord really worked in a lot of peoples lives.

then at the very end we were shoutin about something,(we did a whole lot of shoutin that day) and brooke looked over at me and was like i bet i can shout louder than you and then a little later we were clappin and she said i bet i can clap longer than you so starting then we both clapped non stop for a really long time. it was funny. and then finally after forever, all 4 of our parents attacked us at the same time and pulled our hands apart. so we decided we would have to continue another day haha. then we went back to the room and i got online and stuff and talked for a little bit then packed and only got like 2 hrs of sleep cuz we headed out to go back home at 3am... nice.

So basically the whole week was amazingly incredible. Jesus never ceases to rock my face off and amaze me like all the time. It was awesome to get to be around a whole lot of amazing men and women of God. And it was crazy that I really did get to be like right there and I met so many of them. It was awesome to see tons of denominations all there together in unity. There was so many times where I just kinda stood where was and was like wow. Ya. I love Jesus. He's cool like that.

reminisce. 002.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Rain!

I just thought all of this was pretty interesting. Many of you might really understand this stuff and some of you won’t but if you are wondering about some stuff I am always willing to talk to you about the Love of Christ and would love to share with you all he can do for you!

The other day at church we sang a song that talked about the Holy Spirit falling on you like rain. I really began to think about what that would mean for the holy spirit to fall on you like rain so I looked at some of the physical characteristics of rain…

Rain- to pour down, to bestow abundantly, the decent water falling in drops condensed from vapor in the atmosphere.
Required for Survival
Is key to growth
Cleanses and Clears away
Rain has much strength and can bring destruction
Rain can cause fear because of its power ex. floods
Can be heard

In the definition of rain, it says to pour down. In Acts 2:33 which says , “Now he sits on the throne of highest honor in heaven, at God's right hand. And the Father, as he had promised, gave him the Holy Spirit to pour out upon us, just as you see and hear today.” ,it shows us that God wants to pour down his spirit on us. The next part says to bestow abundantly. It is definitely my prayer for the lord to bestow his spirit abundantly on me. Isaiah 11:2 says “And the Spirit of the LORD will rest on him – the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.” The next part talks about water falling. There are several times in the bible where God’s spirit is said to be the living water. John 4:10 says, “Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water." Its also cool how when the Spirit of the Lord is in a room you can really sense as change in the atmosphere, as with rain. In Deuteronomy 28:12 it says, “The LORD will send rain at the proper time from his rich treasury in the heavens to bless all the work you do. You will lend to many nations, but you will never need to borrow from them.” and Isaiah 30:23 says, “Then the LORD will bless you with rain at planting time. There will be wonderful harvests and plenty of pastureland for your cattle.” There, it shows rain as a blessing. The spirit of God is definitely an incredible gift and blessing! In Acts 1:8 it says, “But when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, you will receive power and will tell people about me everywhere – in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." God obviously wants to allow His Spirit to rain down on the lives of his people to prepare them for the harvest of people he is going to set before them.
The characteristics of rain and the relation to the Spirit of the Lord, really show the importance of being filled with the Spirit of God! Ephesians 5:18 commands us to be filled with the spirit! So seek the face of God and ask His Spirit to rain down on you so we can reach out to the world in a powerful way!

By the way its pretty crazy that as i was writing this blog, 2 people randomly started IMing me and talking about rain. Then a couple minutes later it started raining outside. Then another friend of mine wrote a blog a put as the subject, You are my sunshine after the rain. Pretty Crazy!

reminisce. 001.

Monday, August 29, 2005


Thoughts about Luke 6:43

People drown in their own oblivion. They settle on what they only think they know. There is so much deception, and truth is yet to be found. Assumptions made from only the outer appearance of fruit on the tree, somehow slip into becoming belief. Truth is exposed only for a quick glimpse then thrown back and put away as false. If bad fruits are exposed, it is important to ensure that they are taken care of immediately whereas to not ruin the entire tree. Bad fruits that are not taken care of when they should be can lead others into oblivion that can overtake unless someone grabs on to the tree and pulls themselves out of the pool of lies and oblivion that so many people are deceived by, and begins a search for truth. That tree must be grabbed a hold of, shaken and disturbed until all of the fruit has fallen off and truth is exposed. Every bit of the tree, down to the fine details of the branches are then exposed. What was once seen as a very fruitful tree, appearing to be so healthy and full of life is now exposed down to the very core. Each piece of fruit then lies open for all to see what is really inside. Fruit that looks good on the outside can indeed be something so different inside. Good and bad fruit don’t come from the same tree. Even though people may be taken back, disappointed and surprised at what lies within, it’s really a joyous time because that fruit is no longer a part of the tree. The bad fruit can no longer cause further damage to the tree. Sure there are scars, but scars are better than open wounds that only get worse and worse. The tree then, being beaten, bruised, and scarred has to start a new growing process. Its better for a tree that has gone bad to have to start over, scarred, than for a bad tree to sit and rot in its own mess of lies. Of course someone has to get a hold of the tree and shake it until truth comes out because it has been sitting in its mess of lies slowly rotting away for so long that the tree has become numb to the damage being done. It may take more than one person to shake all the bad fruit off of the tree but it had to be done.

reminisce.

I am going to take some of my really old myspace blogs and post them on here... so if any blog is titled reminisce, you'll know its one of the old ones.

still.

My very spontaneous, but very comfortable life was shaken a few weeks ago... Before, I could rest in knowing that I was completely in the place of God's will even with the spontaneity of every day. Right now, I am on a search for where He would have me to go and what He would have me to do. I have no idea what will take place on any given day or where I will end up. Its learning, listening, watching and waiting for now. Its definitely an interesting journey in this season... and a bit of an uncomfortable one at that.

I have always been one to tell everyone to trust the Lord
and I have considered my trust in Him to be one of my greatest strengths for quite a while now.

I trust Him, thus He is putting me in situations where I have to trust Him. Big time.
But even in the midst of all of the questions, its so glorious.
Because testing leads to new and greater things.
The Lord likes to test us to find out our hearts, and to see if we will stay true to His commands so we can then fear Him in order that He can bring us to a good land...

I am trusting and waiting on His direction. I don't have to understand. He has promised me that He will direct my paths. Because of this, I have a peace. I can be still and know that He is God.

Psalms 52:8 

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever."

(this is my favorite verse for sure.... trust and TREES!)

spur.

I was sitting at the kid's table for Christmas dinner the other night. It was me, my 12 year old cousin Harrison, my 10 year old cousin Lauren and their 9 year old cousin on their other side of the family, David. We were eating the worlds best hot fudge that we have every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Lauren always gets her sundae and stirs is up like soup....whatever makes you happy i guess... David isn't normally there with us at the holidays, so Lauren was keeping him well informed at what was going on. She looked at him at one point and said in somewhat of a disappointed tone, pointing at her bowl, "I don't have as much fudge in here as I normally do." To which I said, "go get some more." Lauren then says, "good idea!" and jumps up to go get more.

Have you ever been with a friend shopping and you pick up some new piece of clothing or some new gadget and before you know it your friend has convinced you to buy it? Or how many times have you considered doing something stupid and you move on with it just because your buddy says DO IT!

This happens all the time. One tiny little statement of encouragement can completely motivate us and cause us to do things we wouldn't necessarily do if we were alone. What if we all began to encourage one another in the things of the Lord? Consider this verse today and look for ways to act on it:

Hebrews 10:24 

Let us consider how we can spur one another on towards love and good deeds. 

response.

I wrote this on Thursday night and was going to wait until Sunday afternoon to post it since the congregation won't be addressed till then,  but considering I have already been contacted a few times today, and the story is already out in various places such as actscelerate, the Atlanta Journal Constitution among others and flying through the mouths of many COG leaders, I decided to go ahead and add a few things and post it.

As several of you now know,

Bishop Jim Bolin has stepped down from his position as pastor of Trinity Chapel as a result of "inappropriate sexual  behavior with the opposite sex."

As I have been taught by my youth pastor:
There is a difference between a sin and a lifestyle of sin.

I still trust Bishop 100%. He is an incredible man of God and just like the rest of us, he is human. Yes, he did sin, but I know that I know that this is not his lifestyle. He is not a bad man, he just did a bad thing. Bishop's heart is to get back in this thing and fight the right way- I know this, I have lived with his family and just talked to him today.

Remember:

ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Some are just in a position where the consequences of their sin have to be handled on a much larger scale. Sure this whole thing has hurt me, but my pain is really for this family. I've been with them all week through all of this. I've heard the stories, I've seen the brokenness, I've felt the frustration of how the situation has to be handled, but at the same time I've seen the unity of this church, and this family. I have seen the love that Trinity Chapel has for their Bishop and have seen them respond in such a Godly way. They too know his heart.

  

Let me please just ask all of you:

1. Do not be quick to judge

2. Know that just because you hear something or read it on actscelerate or elsewhere, it doesn't make it truth- I have already seen this story exaggerated. When people don't know something they like to assume and well, we all know what assuming does.

3. Watch what happens next. See Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness displayed. Watch Trinity Chapel  rise up in a time where many would expect it to crumble.

 You know, a situation like  this shows the strength or weakness of a church body.  I always knew Trinity was strong, but wow. My God IS giving strength. He IS uniting hearts. He IS restoring lives. My God IS showing up. This body has HIS heart. Trinity Chapel has arisen in strength and unity. 

It has been a difficult week, but getting to watch the response of the family and congregation has been uplifting and encouraging. If you only heard all the stories and seen all the love I have seen this week. It really has been incredible. The family and congregation are turning to the Lord and not judgment or condemnation. Just as God has called us to do. Even through a week like this past one, there is no denying-- The Lord is on the move.

This HAS to be scaring the enemy. Satan meant this for evil, but all things work together for good to those who are in Christ Jesus and are called according to His purposes. 

God I thank you for showing up in this time. I thank you that you are continuing to reveal yourself to and through Trinity Chapel. Be with Bishop, Robin, Jessie, Jared, Berkleigh Jocelyn, Jason, Sarah, Jay and Caroline in this time. Let your healing waters flow. Amen.

TRINITY CHAPEL IS STANDING STRONG AND HER BEST DAYS ARE AHEAD OF HER.

Thank you so much to all who have been praying this week, even when most of you haven't known what it was about. Now you know, and as  I am sure you can tell, continued prayer for this family and church would be much appreciated.

For those of you wondering... 

- In no way do I regret my decision to move here.
- In no way do I think the timing for me to move here was wrong. It was and is exactly right. 

- I will be in Cleveland on Sunday or Monday until after Christmas and then I am returning to GA. 

- We are currently working on my new living arrangements, I'll keep you posted.

- I'm open to talking about all of this, if you have questions. Not that I will answer every question you have, but I'll let the faith and strength of the situation shine through.

**Due to ignorance and negative agendas of some certain individuals, I am no longer going to show the comments on this blog. Rumors and gossip get us nowhere. Thank you to those who have posted positive responses. Comments to fisher.relentless@gmail.com are still welcomed, they just won't be made public.**

persuaded.

[emphasis mine]  Romans 4:19 Without weakening in his faith, [Abraham] faced the fact that his body was as good as dead--since he was about a hundred years old--and that Sarah's womb was also dead. 20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. 22 This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." 23 The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, 24 but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness--for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. 25 He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.

So I wonder. What's it going to take for us to get to this point of being "fully persuaded?" 

The key to this kind of faith is hunger...

If we hunger and thirst for righteousness, we will be filled. (Mt. 5:6) 

One definition of hunger is to seek with earnest desire.

Are you willing to seek God enough to be filled with the righteousness of absolute belief in Him and see His promises fulfilled?

burn.

[this is one of probably several long blogs that I am going to be writing over the next while and potentially eventually compiling and sorting through and rearranging and adding to etc... its more for me right now... to just process, well, me. I'm discovering who I am and how I got here. My confidence in who I am in Christ is strengthening every day. this is just a way for me to sort out my thoughts. right now they are scattered, but it all comes back around....Join me in this journey and read along if you wish]


I've always been the kinda kid that has to know why stuff is the way it is...

I never remember believing in Santa, but never felt like I missed out- I actually quite enjoyed feeling like I knew this secret that I wasn't supposed to know.

In math class, I couldn't be okay with the fact that pi was 3.14 and so on and why this symbol meant you were supposed to do this or that, I had to know why... I think that's why word problems and geometry were the only tolerable math  for me. With those I knew how they worked, thus could function just fine.

This also probably explains my computer skills. If any of you have ever asked me a computer question, you know that I either know it right away, or mess around until I figure it out. In my head there has to be a way it functions that way and once I know, I'm good.

As a kid, I was always sure to ask my parents why about everything, especially if I was in trouble. It wasn't that I was so upset of the fact that I was in trouble, but if I was, there better be a good reason.
BECAUSE I SAID SO. omg. I hated that more than anything.... well if you said so, WHY did you say so? There MUST be some reason behind it...

I was definitely not the easiest child to raise. I've always been very strong willed, wanting explanations for everything and not afraid to say anything. Although there was definitely some rebellion in my childhood that was dealt with later on, in many cases my strong-willed nature was not so much rebellion but rather a curiosity of what was really true and worth giving my attention to. Little did I know that this curiosity would be the story of my life fleshed out in a different way- a passionate dig for truth. Just explain to me why you're telling me to do this and not this and I will be glad to comply. Now I'm not justifying my actions as a kid and I learned later on that doing what I am told to do without or regardless of explanation was truly obedience, but I was so determined to figure things out, that it often looked like rebellion. Some of it indeed was, but fortunately my parents were able to help steer my strong willed nature in the right direction. Its interesting that my Grandfather was one of the first to vocalize that it could be good if steered correctly...

As a kid, I used to think that one day, just like Santa with most kids, adults were going to walk up to me and tell me that none of this whole God thing was true. Even with family and church family of all ages that went after the Lord, that was still a question in my mind from time to time.  I chose to follow the Lord, but in moments I definitely stepped around cautiously watching intently everyone and everything for any sight of falsehood.

Deep inside there was such a longing to discover the truth of this whole God thing. If it was real, all of it must be real. If God was fake, then I better find out.

As I began to search this out, I discovered more and more that it was true, then I would get excited to see verses and principles that completely explained my actions, thoughts and feelings. I would hear something and remember it and either test it out for myself, or at least watch intently to see if it played out in someone else's life. There has always been so much joy in confirmation, and as many of you know, the Lord has filled my life with it.

Of course, its not like if you hear something from scripture one time, it all makes sense and you can immediately walk in it, but rather we get to partake of the joy that comes when we really GET something.

I remember when I really GOT that I needed to obey my parents. I had heard it a lot, a WHOLE lot actually,  but I had to be convinced that there was a reason for submission. Once I was REALLY convinced that my God was real and His promises were true, I realized that my obedience would please the Lord.

That became my motivation. The more I discovered the beauty of the Lord, the more I wanted to please Him. I later realized that the more I please Him, the more blessings and favor I received.  Now, that definitely didn't fix it all with my parents, but instead of not caring that I was in trouble, it began to break my heart because I knew I had disobeyed not only my parents, but my perfect, all-deserving God.

I think my parents can attest to the fact that the more I began to seek the Lord, the less I disobeyed. Now Its not like my tongue and actions were immediately controlled once I truly believed in the Lord, but at least I had a heart to WANT to obey.

I cry when I'm mad, but honestly I think that is rooted in my hatred of disunity. Especially with certain people, If I'm mad, I just walk away.... That whole "be angry and sin not" thing is not always the easiest thing to go by, so I tend to just walk away for the time being.

I do good when I'm alone when I am upset or mad. I have a solid foundation. I know what I believe and where I stand on things. So sometimes I just need to get away from people to get my mind focused on what I know.

On the other hand... I'm also learning the absolute necessity of being with people. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, being with people is what keeps me sane. My mind goes all over the place when I have too much time to think. I try to figure out how to make everything work instead of just living life. When I am with people, I can just function exactly as I am supposed to without trying. Guess its that whole concept of the body... they cover my shortcomings and I cover theirs, even when we don't realize it. It just works.

Of course, all of that once again is the scripture just playing out before my eyes. You see, thats what I love. In the good or the bad, I can always have the joy, peace and comfort of knowing that everything goes back to His word. There is no denying it. I experience it more and more each day.

There is so much beauty in intimacy with the Lord. Praying without ceasing is my delight. I have a constant awareness that He is right here with me. Is it lonely sometimes? In the natural, absolutely. But in the spirit, no way. I feel a tighter embrace every day. And besides, the spirit is more real anyways. I've known that but I'm finally discovering it for myself.

Right now, this growing intimacy is burning inside of me. My passion and desire to see His presence infiltrate lives including my own is consuming. My spirit churns inside of me, longing for greater intimacy with my oh so intimate savior.  Its that same concept of praying for rain in the time of rain.

As a kid, if your parents give you something you don't normally get, what do you say? "Can I have more?" To which parents usually say something like, "if I give you an inch, you take a mile!"

Heres just one more reason why I think the Lord tells us that the kingdom of heaven is likened to a little child. This is His desire for us. When He gives us any part of Himself, He wants us to keep coming back for more.  I believe that the behavior of kids is often such a clear picture of the Kingdom if we open our eyes to it.

You ever notice that babies are so fascinated with light? No mistake.

I remember the day that I really GOT the concept of Psalms 22:3, that God inhabits the praises of His people. I had heard that but I remember when it clicked. In church services and other atmospheres, I  began to notice more and more that as I and other people pressed in to God, that His presence was stronger than before and that He would begin to move. Well I also had heard people say that its nothing You do that makes God come. When I was in Ireland in 2007, I discovered thats not the case. Now of course none of us deserve God's presence and thus we can't make Him visit us, however, He does go by His own Word- He IS the Word. If we praise, He will inhabit! We were in a really powerful service in Ireland where each member on the team was functioning in their role and many lives were changed. Before the service that night, in the girls room, we began to have an overwhelming hunger for the Lord. We prayed and focused on Him there, and then once we got in the service we all praised and God showed up. I then was questioning why He showed up so strong. I didn't want to say it was because of us, because I knew it wasn't but at the same time I knew it was no mistake that He showed up so strong on the night we were so focused on Him. Then that verse came to mind and I was overwhelmed. I had heard that over and over, but this time I got it. From then on, that concept changed the way I worshipped and affected how I thought of my God.
There is always more.

O God, how I long for more of You! This burning is all consuming, yet feels so contained. God let the fire of your spirit spread throughout Your body, Your beautiful bride. God fill our churches, our homes, our schools, our workplaces and our streets. God anywhere and everywhere we are, make us aware of Your presence in that place. Fill our hearts with joy and strength to get through this season which the world sees as lack. Make this a season of increase for us and let us discover the freedom of trusting and obeying You. God stoke the fire inside our already burning hearts until the fire has no choice but to consume us and spread out. Let us see salvations, miracles, and opportunities to express Your love without even trying to get there. Let the passion inside of us drive us to Your eyes.

God, my song to You will never lose its power. I mean it more and more every time.
I WANT TO SEE THE FACE OF MY KING. I WANT TO HEAR THE HEART OF MY FATHER.

fabulantastic.

fabulantastic= fabulous, fantastic and the combination of those feelings, A RANDOM EXPRESSION OF JOY AND PEACE that just came out of my mouth one day and kinda just stuck.

Labrina told me to write a blog  about it so I did.  In reality it works great to describe where I am at right now. I don't really understand what the Lord is doing right now, but I have so much joy and peace in this season. My list of questions was definitely lengthened today with the death of Perry Keyt.  I was so encouraged by Melissa's strength  from an email I read  just after I had written the bottom part of this blog:  "God is a mighty God and I trust His plans and His ways, even when I don't understand. We will praise Him just because He is Worthy!"

WOW. What strength. Its incredible to see her have a heart of praise even in the midst of the death of her husband. What an encouragement she is to praise our God instead of sitting on our questions.  Life right now for so many is unpredictable and filled with I don't knows, but I'm learning more and more that His ways are so much better than ours. We can all walk in that kind of strength if we can put our trust in Him.  

Its all part of  "The ______ of the ______." [btw. that thing in quotes right there, that will be a book one day, but the blanks will be filled in... just thought i'd throw that out there.]

_________________________________________________________________________________

//Mysteries.

Majoring in the minor key
Rinsing with resolve
Constructing the skibobble
Preparing for the milter.

//Deluge.

Belief without reason
Yet every reason to believe
Core giving credence to entirety
Reconnoitering the perspicuous opacity

//Relentless.

Ceaseless depths
Wresting deepest desire
Sovereign roar
Whispering sweet surrender

//Death.

Captivate me liberating surrender
Free me from my freedom
Dominate my control
Come reveal.

..."blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."

delight.

why is it that I have always hungered for that atmosphere but can't seem to ever get close?

is that the easy route?

it seems so right, yet the wind blows me only to watch from a distance...

i know their names and their hearts
yet they have no idea who I am.
The same page factor weirds me out sometimes.
and the dreams.... wow.
whats that hallway thing? and that building and that shirt? and that rollercoaster and that park?

i don't have to know, but what in the world?

I'm completely cool with You doing this, I just don't get it.
is it just about prayer?
maybe, but i doubt it.

Show me.

Lord You know my heart and my desires
and i trust You.

Give me wisdom in this
You know what I need much more than I do

but if You are waiting for me to ask, here is my asking:

God will You orchestrate this in the timing that is for Your greatest glory and my greatest good?

Whatever You want, thats what I want. Where do I end and You begin?

and also... when I think about that not-yet-named thing.... it looks so much like this- so why isn't it? 

Is it a Timothy?

or is it a Barnabas?

or somehow both?

or neither?

not gonna lie. i feel like i have a thriving child in me thats pretty much way past its due date.

but i guess i shouldn't attempt to attach my concept of time to a Kingdom that operates outside of the limits and boundaries of time.

show me where to walk

show me where to stand

and where to avoid 

tell me when to move 

and when to be still

teach me what to awaken 

and what to put to rest

okay, okay i'll stop striving to make this happen...

So I'll say it simply,

just help me stand on Your feet and let You dance our dance.

faith.

alright here's the deal

I'm not trying to be selfish or prideful- that is not my heart, and God, if there's any of that in me, get rid of it...

Ok so times are rough right now for a lot of people, financially, emotionally, and just with all kinds of stuff. 

So we talk and hear all about faith. It's awesome, and encouraging... but I can't get away from this question.

When are we going to BELIEVE?

When are we going to let our faith arise and walk in righteousness again? 

Hard times are not an excuse to live in sin. Period.

Hard times are not justification for complacency and stagnation either.

I have never had to live in really hard times, and I am thankful, but its in moments like this one right now that I wish I could understand. I'm blessed and I love life, but how do I bridge this divide?

Would I think differently if I was in the middle of the situation myself? That I do not know, but I can't sit around and try to figure that out... I just need to express what I'm feeling and walk in what I know.

I feel like the only way we are going to get out of this funk is through the power of the Holy Spirit. I wanna see a bunch of people filled with the Spirit, and then soak in His presence, and be so changed by His presence that we really begin to walk in the power that we just tapped into. 

Over and over and over again in the Word when faith is mentioned, its right next to miracles and salvation.... We have enough faith to believe God created the universe but we can't believe that He will provide for us? 

We have made faith all about our behalf. Do I really believe that God can do this for me?

We need to get over ourselves and know that we are taken care of. He is our dad.  

Dad knows how to take care of His kids. Maybe not all dads do, but this One is perfect. Hasn't He proved Himself faithful to you time and time again?

I'm so ready to make faith about miracles and salvation, vs. petting us when we are wallowing around in self pity. 

I know so many are struggling, but think of how much faith people could begin to have to see the miraculous in their situations if they saw miracles happen for others...

Where is our power?

I believe that we really just need to REALLY know how much God loves us. And then let that propel us into the cycle of worship where because of His love, we worship Him, and then He shows us new levels of Himself which gives us a heart to worship some more and then He shows us Himself in all new ways which gives us all the more reason to worship and then He shows us even more of Himself which stirs our love and hunger even more to worship Him and then.... you get the point. 

If we could really know His love for us, I believe we would begin to believe all the other promises He makes about us, thus we would walk in great faith that our God will do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask or imagine. 

If we could really root our confidence in Him, our focus could get off of us and faith could be about the Kingdom and its advance.

For the Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy, in the Holy Ghost.

If we will walk in the righteousness we know we are supposed to walk in, He will give us peace and joy.  But it can only be done IN the Holy Ghost. Our power comes from God alone. We have to get our focus back on God and His Kingdom, and inviting others into this Kingdom.

I want to see this harvest thats talked about. 

I want to walk in the power of Holy Spirit and be led into fulfilling everything on His heart.

I want to see miracles.

I'm honestly tired of hearing, this generation is like an army, an army is arising, this will happen, that will happen and all that stuff... Let's be that army NOW instead of expecting it to pop out of nowhere one day. We ARE that army. The generation on the earth right now can be mighty, but we have to take our focus off of self and fix our gaze on the only one who deserves it.

Our faith will increase as we worship and see our King and learn of His love,  but also as we walk out our faith and thus begin to see all we keep hearing about.

I believe. 

I have faith. 

I'm so ready for this. 

LETS GO.

 

experience.

"don't leave"

I cried out. I wanna see the face of my King. I wanna hear the heart of my father.

Then a father prayed about that heaven inside of me.

then...

i saw a room in His house. 

first it was this big simple cream colored room

and then it was a room full of tree trunks.

with a fire in the middle and we were gathered around singing.

but He was the fire.

It was inside so that we never had to leave.

everything we see on earth outside, was inside His house. 

Nature was thriving. 

and then the room was these gorgeous white floors. i think it was pearl. kinda looked like awesome marble. 

regardless of how it looked, it was always BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING.

"this is the sound of my living room"

it was beautiful.

and refreshing.

i have spent so much time simply being aware that i can walk in and out of His house anytime that i want. 

i've gone in just long enough to be able to tell people about it.

and i've simply told them instead of just inviting them in.

but tonight He said over and over.

"don't leave"

"don't leave"

then  I saw myself at different times in my life, when people would come over and I would beg them to stay. 

All my life I've been that way. 

I have moments where I won't seem to let people leave. 

To the point where I pretty much stop only because I feel like I'm getting annoying.

Then usually once they leave, I sit there and say to myself, "why did you try and try and try to get them to stay? you really don't need them here for anything." That is very true, but there is just something about having the person there in that moment that drives me to trying to convince them to stay.

He reminded me of the way I feel in those moments 

and He was that way towards me tonight- kinda giddy,  a little crazy...

"Don't leave. Don't leave."

He doesn't need me, but oh how He longs for me to stay!

Calling people in from the north, south, east and west has a whole different meaning to me now. I used to just walk out of the house to go find people to tell about what I was experiencing. 

I have tried to convince them of something I should have been calling and inviting them into.

I will now call out loud enough for the ones outside to hear me from inside the house. Spirit sound transcends physical sound waves so they are going to be drawn in by a sound that they can't even figure out how they are hearing until they are in there. 

Everything makes sense in His house. Walking outside to tell them about whats inside--- it has always seemed like the logical thing to do. Probably because that is logical. And really, now that almost doesnt even make sense to me anymore. My Spirit is 100% spirit. And my physical body was made to interact with a Spiritual God because it was created by Him as an expression of His character. Thus I will call from the inside. and they will hear.

 No more trying to convince from outside- only inviting from inside. 

I sat there like a kid on a carpet square. Taking in every ounce of the unfolding story, but here the story was already unfolded, and unfolding. I sat there and just stared at the flame in front of me.

"I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD FOREVER"

bones.

This word, His word. 

Its like  a fire inside of me right now.

To theElement, and all the other vessels in labor with this thing:

SO WHAT IF?

What if you didnt settle?

What if you didnt stop?

You feel this. I know you do.

You've seen the Lord move this week, but we all know there is so much more that is on the brink of happening.

SOMETHING HAS STILL GOT TO BREAK.

Let your holy dissatisfaction stoke the fire inside of you.

Don't let this fire die!

What if you chose to keep this thing going?

What if you guys called the church and said, " Hey were gonna need the sanctuary Friday and Saturday night. "

And you kept praying. and you kept worshipping. 

and you go at it till you birth this thing.

When a woman is in labor they dont wait till her contractions are really strong then send her home.

Some may come visit and then leave, but the one carrying the baby DOES NOT QUIT.

It doesnt matter how long it takes, they do whatever they have to do to birth the baby.

I so strongly believe that there is enough fire shot up in enough bones to sustain this. 

Whatever you have to do, whatever it looks like--

BIRTH IT. SEE IT. EXPERIENCE IT. 

and DO NOT live to tell about it... let this process kill the "you" inside of you. 

Let this propel you to a life dead to yourself and alive in Christ. 

Let it purify you. 

Walk in it. 

Stay in it. 

Live in the flow of the Spirit. 

You CAN see the sick healed. 

You CAN see souls saved.

You CAN see compassion grow in the hearts of God's people.

You CAN see the dry, dead bones awaken to all God has.

I know you feel this, and I know you know you can get there.

So whats stopping you?

confidence.

God I am ready for this.
I told you just the other day that I was ready to see something that I haven’t seen and hear something I haven’t heard.
You know, your people HAVE been praying about our next president.
God You raise leaders up and bring them down.
I said a while back that I was confident that Your hand was in this election.
That belief has not changed.
So God, really this kind of excites me.
This is definitely something new.
I can really say I am not sure what You are doing with this election.
But I TRUST You.
And I have faith and expectation that You are moving.
Your people prayed so I believe this is fulfilling Your plans.
Even if I don’t see it right now.
God I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president that is so pro-abortion. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why, if we prayed, that we would have a president who was mentored by someone who claims Your name, but seems to be filled with such hate. But I trust You.
I don’t understand why there was a clear word from You for Sarah Palin “for such a time as this,” if she wasn’t going to be elected as VP. But I do know that she doesn’t have to be in that position to be Your Esther for this time. You DO use the weak things to confound the things which are mighty, so who’s to say her impact couldn’t be potentially even greater with her in a "weaker" position? I trust You.
I don’t get all of this, but I don’t have to.
Your are moving. And I commit to move with You
Wherever You go, I will go.
You’re doing a new thing
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
I love You.
And I am excited and confident that in all areas I will begin to see something I haven't seen and hear something I haven't heard.

So God, bless Barack Obama. Lead him, guide him, speak to him. 

Be with our nation. 

God, bless America. 

Send revival to our land, renew us in the things of You. 

Move so powerfully that no one can deny it is You. 

Lord, in all we say, in all we do, be glorified. 

Amen.

conqueror.

Luke 21:5-19 THE MESSAGE [emphasis mine]

One day people were standing around talking about the Temple, remarking how beautiful it was, the splendor of its stonework and memorial gifts. Jesus said,
"All this you're admiring so much - the time is coming when every stone in that building will end up in a heap of rubble."
They asked him, "Teacher, when is this going to happen? What clue will we get that it's about to take place?"
He said, "Watch out for the doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities claiming, 'I'm the One,' or, 'The end is near.' Don't fall for any of that.
When you hear of wars and uprisings, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history and no sign of the end."
He went on, "Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over.
Huge earthquakes will occur in various places. There will be famines. You'll think at times that the very sky is falling.
"But before any of this happens, they'll arrest you, hunt you down, and drag you to court and jail. It will go from bad to worse, dog-eat-dog, everyone at your throat because you carry my name.
You'll end up on the witness stand, called to testify.
Make up your mind right now not to worry about it.
I'll give you the words and wisdom that will reduce all your accusers to stammers and stutters.
"You'll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed.
There's no telling who will hate you because of me.
Even so, every detail of your body and soul - even the hairs of your head! - is in my care; nothing of you will be lost.
Staying with it - that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you take any time at all to just stop and look at what surrounds you, it can be pretty discouraging. We're in a season right now, in this nation and really all over the world where there is a lot we feel like we could legitimately worry about.  The Lord is clear with us that times of hurt and dissapointment and persection will come. He lets us know that it is only going to get worse and worse. But don't forget! Don't lose heart! As children of God, every detail will be saved if we stay with it. How awesome. In these times where our nation and much of our world is at such a low, we have such an open door.  We must arise with confidence and with passion, with boldness and joy. 

We must make up our minds now not to worry!

Everything we need will be given to us! 

Our God is passionate about us! He will provide all we need and more! 

What could happen if the church would step up in hard economic times with their giving?

What could happen if the church would have joy when everyone else is worrying?

What could happen if we walked around in the confidence of knowing we are the conquerors?

What could happen if we walked in the wisdom that He promises to give us if we ask?

What would happen if we became passionate about all these things again?

What happened to your passion? Where is the fire that kept you going? Where is that overwhelming desire to reach out to the lost and the hurt and the dying?

Where is your excitement and confidence about the call God has placed on your life? What happened to always seeing the joy in the chase? Where is your delight in the journey?

You see, it doesnt take much to be happy and excited and passionate when everything is hunky-dory. What is different about us right now? When were are in a season of plenty and everything seems to be going good, the world is happy. and the world is excited. and the world is passionate. If you notice, we aren't looking much different than that. We act like just because we have hit a rough spot, we can just stop and complain and blame it all on the enemy, or on other people... 

Have you looked lately? Our Bible promises us that these difficult times will be here. These are the times that we actually are given a clear opportunity to shine. We just have to live what we know to be the difference in these days.  When everything is going great, often times the world is actually more passionate about their beliefs, because we just use ours as a convenience.

We use good times to just chill out and say God is blessing us, and we use the bad times to grumble and complain. WHERE IS OUR ACTION? We can't let our only actions be sitting on our backsides till we find something to complain about. 

LETS ACT! BE ENCOURAGED! WE ARE THE CONQUERORS!

IT IS TIME

that we as the body of Christ, remember that when we turn to the back of the book WE ARE THE VICTORS! 

We must KNOW that we can conquer any work of the enemy. 

We must BELIEVE the Word when it says we WILL overcome.

We must TRUST that God keeps His promises.

And we must WALK in the power of His Spirit.

So I declare right now to myself and the rest of this body of Christ--

Wake up! Arise! Be strengthed! Stop Worrying! Trust again! Be full of Joy again! Walk this out and be the difference! Remember that you are His! Remember His passionate love and be that love to the world!!

God right now, I praise You for who You are. I am so thankful that You give us Your Word to lead and guide us and direct us. Thank You for giving us the promises that You will keep us and hold us safe and for being honest enough and loving enough to warn us about the trials that are to come. Teach us true love-- Your love. God I pray that You instill in us the courage to truly believe once again in Your faithfulness. Thank You for letting us know that we really can trust You. Thank You that You never go back on Your Word.  God  we want our passion back! We want our joy back! Lord pour out Your spirit on our dry and thirsty souls! God we don't deserve it, but You love us anyways.  Thank You for that. Lord, we just want You. We want to glorify You. We want to be light to darkness. We want to have faith in Your word. We want to trust You with everything. We want to look like You. We even want to want You more than we do now. So Lord fill us. Infiltrate our lives with Your presence so that we just become so addicted to Your presence that we never want to leave. And God teach us that we never have to leave. God we choose not to worry. We choose to walk in the wisdom and the passion and the fire that You are putting in us even now. Thank You Father. Lord, we know You are with us. God, keep on kissing us. We love Your face. Your kisses are so amazing. God there is nothing better. So we choose to stay with it! We will stick it out till the end!  You are all we want! You are all we have ever needed! You are all we want! Help us know You are near! 

Amen.

remember.

I remember walking in the first time knowing NO ONE. 

except for rebecca davis who I had only met hours before on myspace...

since no one knew me, everyone just assumed I came with someone else, thus I was able to just float around and plop myself down in the middle of everyone like I was family. And I became that real quick. Thanks. 

Although it was a room of brand new faces when I walked in, I felt like I had known all of you always.

I remember one certain day when Brian was talking to us and then immediately pacing through that row of chairs and speaking in tongues. In that moment I realized I could do that too. I realized that praying in the spirit didn't have to be something that was "stirred up," but rather something that you just release.

I remember the day I had gone to a prayer gathering at oneighty before going over to north, and once I got there, I stepped out of my car and immediately heard the roar coming from way up in the tower.

I remember the day when Jeremy told us to go to the windows and pray for dorms, and we cried and wailed till Jeremy told us we had reached the time the Lord told him. (Sometimes I still wonder how those windows didnt break)

I remember staying out till crazy hours of the night and getting up a few hours later to go take a test at my high school and doing great. 

I remember singing "let the fire fall through the window" and it going from hilarious to prophetic. 

I remember listening to wild dreams about roots and stones and colors and leaders and buildings and everything else.

I remember the times I had alone in my car on the way over to the prayer tower.

I remember the faces of those around me gripped for the city I had always lived in.

I remember the feeling of college students asking us young high schoolers what we were hearing.

I remember the fire that sustained me.

I remember how rested I felt even with the lack of sleep.

I remember the expectation I had every night. 

I remember leaving some days feeling on top of the world.

And then there was the other side...

I remember some days leaving feeling as low as I could be.

I remember the frustrations of hitting walls. 

I remember the lack of wisdom I walked in at times. 

I remember the days when nothing seemed to make sense. 

I remember the days where we saw demons trying to get to us.

I remember days when we felt like everything was in vain. 

I remember feeling rejected by students from a school I had yet to attend. 

I remember having to try and justify my actions and always explain myself. 

I remember the day where I felt I needed to be at prayer so I missed a party and later found out I was talked about the whole time.

I remember the frustrations of being distracted by little things. 

I remember people slipping away who we thought would stay on strong.

I remember resting when I should have been fighting and fighting when I should've been resting. 

In the midst of it all, I LEARNED. 

It was so worth it. 

I know I am where I am today because of those days. 

It was in those times where my calling to that city was confirmed. 

Right now I am in GA on a word from the Lord in an incredible environment getting equipped to go back to Cleveland and help fulfill all those words we still believe. As I walk out this calling to Cleveland, it feels good to know that in those times where its going to be the hardest I can know that there are people in California, Alabama, New Jersey, Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee,  Texas, Kentucky, Georgia, and other places who know just what its like to cry out for Cleveland.  Wow. That is incredible. Yes, I am so glad the 'Cleveland' that got put in us is scattered all over, but I plead to you guys. Keep Cleveland in your hearts. There is still so much promise in that place. I know you know that. Thank you guys for taking on a city that you don't even call home. Even though I am away from all of you now, you forever have a place in my heart. 

Cleveland still needs us, as much as the rest of this nation needs the Cleveland that got put in us.

close.

You are so close today. 

I feel You right here with me.

I always know You're near, but there is something special about today.

Maybe it was my time last night with Nadine and Q. 

Community changes everything.

You are always here, but seeing and hearing what you are doing in individual lives just makes You feel that much closer. 

I guess I just become more aware. 

I can talk the talk all day about who You are and what You are doing, but its those times when You just come and embrace me that really change me.

My heart is for You. 

even when I just sit there.

And I know You see my heart.

Maybe this is a way that You are breaking ME. 

Really. 

I need to be shaken and broken and moved. 

I am sick of myself. 

My mind gets me nowhere but down a path of frustration.

But YOU....

You are so freeing.

and joyful. 

Lord I need your restoration.

I need the strength, energy, desire and fire

that come from You alone. 

Let the fire of intimacy burn deep into my heart, down into my bones.

Give me Your wisdom so I can fulfill the desires of Your heart. 

Hold me close so I can lay against Your chest and feel Your heartbeat.

I want to move WITH You. Not ahead, not behind. 

I need You. 

Lord help me to be able to focus on Your Word.

I say I will read time and time again...

Then I go to actually read and get so distracted. 

I am so over that. 

Help me. 

I want to read and learn more about You.

I guess this is one of those things I feel like I should be able to do...

but yet again- God I can't even do this on my own. 

There is beauty in that though, its living dead. 

When I'm dead I can't really do anything by myself huh?

I need You. 

I love You. 

fortyfour.

I just happened to realize that this is blogpost number 44. 

So I'll embrace it...

I read a blog today posted on the Ramp's myspace and I loved it....

Here it is.

----------------------------------------------

Order, Please

Well, over the past week the office staff here has been getting some awesome rebukes. I mean that without any sarcasm whatsoever. After a few years of walking with God, you begin to see rebukes as awesome. Whenever I hear we're going to have a staff meeting, something within me hopes that the boss has noticed my tardiness, laziness, and bad attitude. If we go through the whole meeting and no correction has come, then I honestly leave a little disappointed.

The reason I've grown to love correction and rebukes is because I know that my leaders are simply getting me in order with what I am suppose to be doing anyway. And according to scripture, glory follows order. Once Moses built the tabernacle according to God specifications, His glory descended upon it. When David attempted to bring the ark of God back to Jerusalem, judgement came because they "did not consult Him about the proper order" (1 Chr. 15:13). Once they got in proper order, they were able to move the ark again and get the glory back to Israel. In Malachi God reminds His people to be faithful in tithes and offering so He can pour out a blessing. Throughout scripture God makes it very clear that His glory follows order.

Therefore, if Ms. Karen is correcting me, yanking me into order, it means that God is preparing me for more glory. God intends for the Ramp offices to be full of glory, and if there is a lack of order, there will be a lack of glory. If we can set ourselves to have order in the natural, then there will be glory. Little things like arriving on time, staying on task, be truthful about your hours--these things matter. They matter to God, and He takes note when we disobey in these little, unseen things. His desire is to give His people glory. The question is will His people do what is takes to get in order?

Micah Wood

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This blog is so so true. I know the feeling so much. Embrace the cutting. The pruned vines are the ones that grow and produce the best fruit. 

So to Samuel.... 

I talked about you today and about how you taught me this concept... and I was reminded how thankful I am for you.

I accelerated so far because of you. 

There's no way I would ever regret those days.

I pray that the Lord blesses you and guides you and teaches you today. 

I love you. 

small.

I so strongly believe

God has His hand in this election.

His thumbprint is all over it.

Is it what we expected?

Nope. But what can we predict anymore?

It seems we can't be sure of much of anything these days... but really that excites me. When everything else is falling apart, our eyes can go to the only one who NEVER CHANGES. 

I believe so many people are going to begin to see that they need to stop looking for change and hold on to the one that never changes. 

What is this going to look like?

I don't know, but I trust that He will have His way, if we will pray. 

WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE. 

Getting to see and hear of hundreds and thousands of testimonies of how these elections have pushed people to prayer has been an incredible honor and blessing. Its made my world feel a lot smaller.  I am seeing that one SMALL act of obedience can reep HUGE results. 

We may feel small. But don't you see?? If God's hand is in something, it will shake nations all over the world.

Knowing that one story about these elections has touched more than 65 nations is amazing. There is no doubt God is in this. (visit agreeinprayer.com)

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

ITS A PROMISE. 

LETS FULFILL OUR PART SO HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO FULFILL HIS.

secrets.

"Secrets"- Janna Adams

If you come and sit outside my window tonight
I’ll try my hardest to listen and be quiet
Like the ocean there’s treasures inside that you hide
I can tell you’re wanting to speak your mind

You can find me here anytime
You will find an ear every time
I wanna be the one you tell your secrets

I have to admit sometimes I push you away
I’ve gotta change that starting today
For some reason I hang on every word you say

You can find me here anytime
You will find an ear every time
I wanna be the one you tell your secrets

______________________________________

He is whispering the secrets of His heart. 

Will you come close enough to hear?

He's not always going to be in the wind, the earthquake or the fire. 

He doesn't want to shout at you all the time

He wants to be close to you. 

Are you willing to stand through the wind, earthquake, and fire

even if you can't hear Him?

His desire is to speak to you in that still small voice so that He has to be close.

[I am so thankful for Pastor Kelvin who lives this, thus was able to teach this principle to us.]

glimpse.

He is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

A lamp's light is not huge, but it keeps me from stumbling. 

A light to my path will show me the path I am to walk on- not everything else around. 

Its perfect.

Because that way I get to trust. 

And I LOVE trusting the Perfect One.

I really really do.

If I could see it all right now, I would for sure mess it all up.

Instead I get to see beautiful glimpses along the way.

And this way, He touches my eyes in those moments to see every part of it in the most beautiful way I can.

I am so thankful.

He's awesome.

kingdom.

I love love love being in the Kingdom.

I'm two hours away but I feel like I am worshipping 2 feet away.

We have the same heart.

I'm here, You're there

but its like we meet somewhere in the sky...

Can You hear the sound
From all over the earth
There's a new glory we have found
A revolution we will birth.

I'll meet you somewhere in the sky

On the way up to His throne

To Him alone we cry

The greatest unity We've ever known.

To You Lord we pray

From the north, south, east and west

In Your face we will stay

We will give You no rest

O God send Your rain

Fall on more than just a few

In our victory and in our pain

Together we will praise You.

Your promises stand 

So inhabit our praise

Come and kiss this land

And be with us all our days.

Amen.

senses.

Can you hear it?

There is something soaring through the air

Something that has not been there before

And even if it has, its never reached this far

Can you hear the sound of the abundance of rain?

Can you feel it?

The atmosphere is changing

A shift has taken place

There is a presence that is almost tangible

He is so close right now.

Can you see it?

There's movement all around

The sleeping ones are awakening

There is something just over the horizon

The waters are beginning to stir

Can you smell it?

The fragrance in our midst is beautiful

Dead flesh is a sweet-smelling aroma to Him

The scent of a coming rain has consumed the air

Can you taste it?

His words are like honey to our lips

The fruit coming from this is so sweet

It's so close we can taste it.

Lord, 

Come like a mighty rushing river. I'll jump right in.

fire.

umm...

so after church today I talked to mom and got on the computer and other various things and then I read my last blog to myself. 

We were leaving to go eat at 4 something, so at 3 I decided to sleep for an hour.

As I laid down, I told the Lord that if He wanted to talk to me through a dream He was welcome to. Then my head hit the pillow and I slept.

At 4 the alarm goes off.  I was slightly embarrassed and frustrated at myself because of the dream I'd just had. Oh well, I thought, I'll just call my friend  who was in the dream  later on and just laugh  it off. 

So I'm getting ready and I remembered what I told the Lord.

Well, maybe the Lord was trying to say something to me...  I racked my brain for a few minutes, thoughts flying in all directions. I was getting a little bit frustrated because I wanted to be able to just laugh that dream off and not have to think about it anymore...when I told the Lord He could talk to me, I was thinking some cool revelation or some cool prophetic dream or something, something beautiful of course, nothing ugly... actually ugly hadn't even crossed my mind until this point. Cuz when got speaks its always beautiful right?....Wrong.

 I was realizing I couldn't just ignore this little dream. I mean I guess I could have, but if I ask Him to talk, I should probably pay attention to what He is saying when He is talking. So with my thoughts still swarming around like angry bees, confusion was rising. Well the Lord taught me a while ago, that He is not the author of confusion therefore that was an immediate red flag. I needed to just pause for a second so I could hear. And as soon as I did, the Lord said to me- "this is the fire that you asked for."

AHHH the blog!  "I want your fire even when it hurts..."

I guess I wasn't expecting Him to move that way...

Church this morning was about moving with God.

Getting out of your comfort zone, abandoning preconceived ideas, and getting ready for new challenges and growth markers on your journey. Wow. I experienced all 3 today. I guess thats what I get...I mean I did choose to come live with the man who preached that this morning.

It's awesome though. This is why I am here. To serve them and to grow. Ha. and I was just thinking how I wanted acceleration and  thinking of how maybe I just needed to be patient... Ummm... Amanda. open your eyes.  (God wants you to see, remember? You learned that today at church too.) This is same day service here. You are accelerating so much more than you realize. 

Sorry... had to preach to myself for a second.

So here's what I learned/ was reminded of today:

1. When I hear that God won't necessarily move the same way He has before, that applies to much more than just a style of a church service.

2. When you talk to the Lord, He listens. 

3. When the Lord talks, its not always going to be beautiful. Yet at the same time, it so is.

4.  The things I hear are for me more than I realize.

5. Cleansing fire isn't always some huge life crisis- fire can come through something as simple as a dream...and yes. it still burns.

Lord, 

Thank you for teaching me today. 

I love your teachings so much

and feeling the burn means I am that much closer to Your face.

Because I know that your eyes burn like blazing fire.

And what you showed me in this dream today- show me how to fix it.

I want to love like you love.

I want to have compassion for the lost and for those I am close to

Teach me to honor those close to me

And not discount people just cuz of their junk

Thanks for showing me the junk in my own life.

Deal with the anger that comes up sometimes

Help me to overflow with kindness

Take away my pride

I don't always know the best way

Help me to have compassionate understanding when you are teaching others

Teach me when its my turn to confront an issue, and when I need to leave it alone

Really, I just need to overflow with Your love

Teach me to truly love.

Amen.

offering.

Lord, 

Thank you.

Your blessings are so much more

 than i could ever deserve.

Thank you for finding me

 in the midst of a universe so big

 and kissing me so intimately.

Thank you for loving 

 this far-from-perfect soul.

All I will ever do for You

will never amount 

to anything near 

what You deserve.

Yet You still desire me.

You are so beautiful

and Your love is enough.

I want to glorify You 

in all I do

because You're worth it

and just because I love You.

Lord, 

I wanna walk closer.

Let your glory emanate from me

Let me walk like You want me to walk

and talk like You want me to talk

and smell like You want me to smell

I'm here to gain a scent,

a fragrance that You love

I want my life to be a fragrant offering 

to You my king.

Holy Spirit,

teach me

guide me

fill me

I want your fire

even when it hurts

I want your power

even though it costs

I want all You have for me

So I can give it all

right back to You.

Amen.

secure.

LORD,
Restore the joy of our salvation
Restore the joy
And the peace
And the comfort
Of living everyday with You
Identify us O Lord
Show us we are pleasing to You
And show us anything in us that does not please You
Help us to not encourage or foster anything that the enemy enjoys.
Wrap us in your arms
Teach us how to make you proud
We need You Daddy.
In our hurt
In our insecurity
In our confusion
We must have You
Renew us in You
Make us excited again
Make us confident again
Make us energized again
Let us feel safe in you again
All for Your glory Lord
Its all for You alone.

And Lord,
You have got to be sick of the enemy doing this to Your people.
Show Your power.
Help us to do what we can to fight off the lies of the enemy.
Let us shield one another
And encourage one another.
And give us the biggest Holy Ghost check in our spirits
Anytime that we are opening doors, or encouraging the movement of the enemy.
Holy Spirit move.
Comfort us O God.
Strengthen Your people
For Your Kingdom’s sake.

Amen

vision.

What do you see?

Describe the place that epitomizes this statement…

HUB OF REVIVAL

If you have seen it with your tangible eyes, describe it…
If you haven’t, but can see any part of it in your spirit, describe what you see.

Take some time to really think about this, or simply express what first comes to mind.

Long detailed description or just a short statement-  every response will be much appreciated.

Please e-mail your responses to:     fisher.relentless@gmail.com

(I'd prefer email so I can keep it all together, but you can just comment here if you want to)

Thanks- it mean more than you know... 

bless.

I was asked to define the word bless...

I've always understood it to basically mean the Father choosing to give us peace, joy, clarity, direction, health, etc. through people, things, words, thoughts, feelings, or any other way He chooses.

really, as I think about it, I think anything He gives to us is a blessing.
because He gives good gifts...
and sometimes even our storms get us exactly where He wants us.
and His ways are perfect.

so in short...

bless= give something to; or give of yourself to


What do you think?

favor.

He is beginning to prove His trustworthiness. 

He is revealing Himself in ways we don't expect.

Theres an open window here... Many times we have to trust even though we don't see the end result. But right now,  He is proving how trustworthy He is... He is orchestrating moments where His glory can flow, yet He is choosing to surprise us before those moments even arrive. (right TCR?) 

And He is bestowing crazy favor on His people. If we will trust Him, we will walk in favor like never before. 

AMAZING.

ilovejesusheneverceasestoamazeme.

wrestle.

Give Him no reason not to bless you.

...I will not let You go unless You bless me... (Genesis 32:26)

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

Its a promise. He calls those who hunger and thirst for righteousness blessed.  So if we live in right standing with God, He WILL bless us. 

fixed.

My eyes are fixed on my Jesus who fixes everything.

Just being with him brings so much peace and joy and clarity.

Sure I still have to deal with a lot of stuff inside of me,  but He makes me feel so much better.

Its so worth it to worship in the hard moments.

and also.

Thanks Lord for using me in spite of me.

and also.

This is it for They Came Running. they are amazing. all of them.  because they know they are His.

help.

ive been way too good at ruining days lately...

i dont mean to

im not a jerk

sorry if i come across as one sometimes

if i just listen to you overreact and dont say anything 

you continue to let it ruin your day...

but then i try to tell you to shake it off

and i ruin your day anyways simply because i said something

maybe i should just let you sink down... 

(and to you... this isnt about some little situation with cleaning something up...)

thats just a small glimpse of what continues to happen on a deeper level.

and im sick of it 

and i dont know what to do....

I want to be led.
I want wisdom, not confusion.
I want to talk when I'm supposed to
and shut up when im supposed to...
this has got to get dealt with...

and then when I'm upset, it seems to upset everyone...

I DONT WANT THIS.

people say Ive got to really learn that I am not always right,

sure i know that I cant always be right, no one can, but I want to see when I am not right.

because usually when people say

"you think your always right" i rarely see where i was wrong...

thus i just feel attacked... and like they see something i don't and im never shown where im wrong... ignorance is not always bliss.

I know im not always right but I refuse to believe I am always wrong...

Will someone just show me? 

without attacking me? ahhh.... the connection... 

I had that and then got the worse attack by that relationship coming to a sudden stop.

I finally found someone who had the guts to flat out call me out when I was wrong...

I could be extremely excited about something I thought was right and he would look me in the eye and say your wrong, heres why... or at least here is what u can do.

And in that time i grew more and faster than ever...

and even tho hearing your wrong WITH being shown why initially stings, its a lot less painful than all this other crap.

but now he is gone.

thats why this hurts so bad. 

and thats why i was drawn to him. cuz i want to be cut 

and not always just be shown whats right.

and ya know what? he did care.

i know he did. he showed me. 

but then his lack of integrity led him in to a downward spiral 

where now it looks like he couldnt care less. 

because his focus is just off...

i still believe in him. 

i dont care what anyone says.

i cant just disconnect myself...

i say bye, but i dont wanna say that.

he did too much for me and so many others...

i dont want closure... 

i want to see him restored and renewed.

I believe it. 

Thats my calling. 

The one that he helped me tap into.

I dont know what to do,

but my eyes are on You.

release.

You don't know what you've done to me

and you don't even care.

Actually, you probably do know.

and you still dont care. 

The Lord lets you be intimately involved 

in the lives of those you are around.

But you only care about yourself and what you know.

You don't have the integrity to back this up.

It almost makes me want to pray 

that God takes that gift away

Because without integrity and care, 

you only hurt people.

and i'm not the only one. 

but once again I'm sure you know that too.

not that you care.

as long as you dont get hurt anymore right?

I know you know whats right

Yet you still choose to do wrong.

Didn't you learn?

That is the definition of a fool.

 

Thats one of those things

you did need to be teachable on

and you know it.

Sometimes I say a thing or two 

just to see if you take any interest at all

But all you give me is a "hey, I'm good"

and "cool."

You could at least say you don't want to talk to me.

I never did anything to you 

and  you know it.

Sure I probably shouldn't have let this bottle up, 

but I did. 

And you know why?

Because what I really wanted

is for you to talk to me

But obviously thats not gonna happen.

I don't even know

that I could believe an apology

at this point.

But something in me 

still wants one.

I thought you could get excited

for me when I do stuff for the Kingdom 

knowing that you were a voice

that helped make it happen. 

and I could have the security 

of you sending me out. 

Looks like you were wrong. 

and so was I. 

But thats ok. 

There is no void there

The Lord has provided 

that and so much more.

I don't need you anymore.

at all.

but too bad that doesn't take away 

the pain.

I defended you

time after time after time after time

more than you know.

I walked thru so much dirt just to keep you out of it

because i believed in you

and you know what? 

way deep down

I still do.

You can't continue like this.

obviously. 

we all see that. including you.

but i believe in what you can be... later on.

if you choose it.

or even now.

o well 

the ball is in your court.

but for now I must do this for me. 

I forgive you.

and you won't slow me down. 

Bye.

awake.

Main Entry:
1orig·i·nal
Pronunciation:
\ə-ˈrij-ə-nəl, -ˈrij-nəl\
Function:
noun
Date:
14th century
1archaic : the source or cause from which something arises; specifically : originator
2 a: that from which a copy, reproduction, or translation is made b: a work composed firsthand
3 a: a person of fresh initiative or inventive capacity b: a unique or eccentric person

Awake O Sleeper! ARISE from the dead and Christ will shine on you!

Ephesians 5:14

To really awaken is to go to the source. the Originator. Through Christ alone, we can be people that tap into the heart of the one who created everything. In the Kingdom should we not then have the most creative and fresh ideas in all areas? From music to events to inventions to medicines, the list goes on and on.  Shouldn't we use our gifts and passions for the things that give Him the greatest glory?

 

If the King has your heart, absolutely any passion you have can be used to bring Him glory. 

If we are going to arise from the dead and walk in all God has for us, we must go to the source and seek Him out above all else.  He created all. Everything He did, everything He made was original. 

He is the source from which all things arise.

Sons and Daughters of the Most High, I charge you- be an original that looks like the Originator, not a copy of someone just attempting to  have His power and beauty. 

shift.

I was reminded how much I look up to someone yesterday
when they made a statement
without thinking twice about it.

oh the drama one statement could cause if the right person found out.
but that wasn't a concern for them.

[Disclaimer: it wasn't my pastor so no one start anything else k?]

but the person who said it sees hope for change.
and is being the change
thus can talk with a pure and honest and loving heart.

but that little statement encapsulated so much...
and unfortunately there is no denying its truth.


"Church of God Cleveland, TN has ruined people"


that statement and all that surrounds it, is a picture of cleveland right now...
you have people that love the Lord but are confused by all the division.
they get sick and tired of it so they leave the church
thus most of the time straying away...
but knowing and longing deep down-
so they show back up.
but havent dealt with the junk
so they let it build up on the inside.

Theres so much bitterness that only the Lord can deal with.
and He's doing it.

He's shaking views
and healing wounds

He is revealing Himself inside and outside of church.
so we see the need for the church
and the importance of moving outside.


He is opening our eyes to people
instead of just systems.

The waters have sat still long enough
He is bringing all the dirt and grime and junk
to
the
top.

No hiding it underneath anymore.
Now everyone can see it.
all of it.

Yet at the same time,
He is letting us see glimpses of the beauty that is going to come from all of this.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Church of God Cleveland, TN-
You are more than a system,
You are people.
I believe in you.
and I love you.
His ways are best and you know it.
and you want it deep down.
So stay strong, stay faithful.
Because He is stronger and more faithful to us than we could ever be to Him.
See what He wants not what you want.
But in order to see, you have to open your eyes.
Keeping your eyes closed blocks out the light
and I know thats not what you want.
Wake up and see the sunrise
for Joy comes in the morning.
It really does! You taught me that.
Really there's a lot you taught me,
but seem to have forgotten.
You taught me that I won't find fulfillment
by trying to have one foot in the world
and the other in the door of the church
whatever that looks like--
be it my attitudes, my motives, my thoughts or my actions.
You taught me that I won't find fulfillment in stuff.
or by standing still in a seemingly safe place.
or even from people.
Yet you are standing still at a doorway that was opened for you
but you have one foot in and one foot out
and you are looking around for stuff and people.
And thats why so many of my brothers and sisters
are falling away from you
or walking-- no, sprinting away from you.
And of the ones that are staying
many are so hurt and scarred
that its going to have to be a
"thus and no other,"
pure move of God
to heal and restore.
and renew.
So how's that going to come?
Through you, through me.
But only if we are willing to praise
when we dont feel like praising.
and love
when we don't feel like loving
and come together
even when we don't agree on every little thing
and worship with our lives. all the time.
There's enough of us that want this--
so He is coming and He won't be stopped.
Coming with us?

[and to Westmore... don't you see? You are such a prophetic picture of a larger body... just a thought...]

change.

we're about to change the world.

its time to get crackin.

His face and His kisses and His embrace and His presence--

We must live there right now.

What in the world are we about to step in to?

Oh snap. Here it comes.

because here we come.

rapid acceleration.

I love this.

protection.

the current state of my heart in a song...

"Precious Jesus"- Jeremy Riddle
Precious Jesus
Lord of all
I come before You
I humbly fall
I want to know You
More than anything
I want to love You
With my everything

Ive been touched by Your saving love
Become lost in Your amazing grace
And my heart is overwhelmed
At the beauty of Your ways
And here and now I stand
And say Im forever Yours
Jesus Youre my all in all
And I will sing Your praise

Jesus.

I love Him.

a whole lot.

He is so beautiful 

and His face is amazing. 

His voice is so sweet

and His embrace so precious.

Wow. 

Everywhere I look 

I see Him.

I love love love this intimacy. 

What is man that you are mindful of Him?

basics.

simple reminders we can all use...

ask yourself in everything, is this glorifying the Lord?

always ask that.

really. 

not just at certain times. because theres no such thing as some separate Spiritual life. 

Moving WITH the Spirit should BE your life.

is He not worthy? 

always think about Him- think of the joy He brings and the peace, and the intimacy and the love.

because when you focus on all He has done for you and how great He is,  you begin to fall in love.

Don't try to figure out why you are going through what you are going through or why its His will for this or that to happen,

 just TRUST.  

Can't you trust the One who is absolutely perfect? I mean really. Would you rather it go your way in this moment and MISS the greatness He has for you in the future?

Everyday, seek to please Him. but it has to come from a heart of love. and not just striving. because if you are just doing things solely because you feel like you have to, thats not love at all... thats nothing more than trying to get fire insurance.

Stay in the word so that you can see the beauty of it. Depth is more important than distance. Its so much better to apply a verse or two today than to read a ton of chapters and do nothing with it.

Stay in prayer for your sake. and prayer doesn't have to look any certain way. Its simply communication with the father, that means you can be driving in your car and whisper some words of love. or when you find yourself in a rut, ask the Lord which way to go. 

Just be led.

As with any relationship, as you begin to fall in love with the Lord, you begin to learn about how He thinks and how He moves and what makes Him smile. 

and then it brings you joy to please the Lord,

and its HIS joy. 

He who created joy.  

If you truly want Him, He will open doors to where you get the greatest good and He gets the greatest glory...

and its pretty much amazing. 

So stop striving to always do more. just let Him love you and then fall in love. and see where that leads you.

worth.

you're so amazing.

the heavens are ever expanding 

and always telling of your glory. 

and I'm just this tiny thing on this little blue dot. 

yet You. 

so big

so vast 

so glorious

love me. 

and desire intimacy with me. 

THAT 

is crazy. 

so that is why I praise you.

You are so worthy of my worship

and my focus

and my life 

and all I can give.

overcome.

Its pretty much amazing to sit around with people you hardly know and share testimonies

Soooo refreshing 

and inspiring

and liberating

and unifying

It feels so.... family.

also

They Came Running 

is pretty stinking great.

myspace.com/theycamerunningband

arise.

The Lord wins.

Anything against us is His enemy, not ours. 

remember that. k?

rest.

i am so done

im wearing myself out

i just want to live life

and stop trying to figure it all out.

i want to stop straining to listen and just hear

im sick of these battles in my mind 

I just want to enjoy life and not get stressed out over stupid things

i have got to learn what it means to rest

not physical rest necessarily, but how to rest my mind.

sometimes i wish i was normal, 

but thats only for a split second 

because in reality i would never want to be like everyone else. 

honestly, i get sick of always trying to be "in tune"

why cant i just live there instead of having to try and analyze or discern everything?

Today is a much better day

I am not forcing myself into situations and I'm just resting in the presence of the Lord.

Sometimes its good to just relax....

Im learning what it means to rest.

Everything is so much better when I take the much needed time to just stop. 

Sometimes when I am trying so hard to listen, I lose sight of what He is really saying and doing.

So today, I've chosen to rest. 

I'm not trying to understand it all and get some place new. 

Sure theres a lot going on and a lot coming up, but in order to get where I need to be when I need to be there, I am taking time to simply 

REST.

Today has been glorious. 

this whole rest thing,

you should try it sometime....

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

crossroads.

In my Bible...

I read about a God who restores. 

In my Bible... 

The Spirit is God.

In my Bible...

I find a God who uses me despite of me- or anything I've done. 

In my Bible...

I see that God wants my heart, because once He gets that, He knows the rest follows. 

In my Bible...

my unchanging God is always bringing about change.

In my Bible...

there are exact instructions for what to do when I have something against somebody.

In my Bible...

God moves so powerfully in unity.

In my Bible...

I discover I am part of a body thats strength is based on the well-being of the rest of the body. 

In my Bible...

I read about fathers who impart instead of depart.

In my Bible...

I read about trust.

In my Bible...

God removes the branches that aren't bearing fruit.

In my Bible...

God chastens and prunes those he loves.

In my Bible...

there's this cross that brought my forgiveness.

In my Bible...

I read about a God who gives me the desires of my heart if I submit to Him.

In my Bible...

there's a God who wants to heal.

In my Bible...

submission to authority is necessary.

In my Bible...

I read about a God who won't tolerate the prideful and arrogant.

In my Bible...

it tells me the Lord hates lying.

In my Bible...

it tells me the Lord hates one who sows discord among brethren.

In my Bible...

grace is always there.

In my Bible...

those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are promised to be filled.

In my Bible... 

those who hear the word and keep it are blessed.

I know you hurt, but my God is a healer. The Lord really will bless this if you wait on Him. He wants to bless you, but you have to submit to Him and what He is doing. He wants unity. He is preparing us for greatness and He wants you to be involved in the beauty of it all, but only if you will trust His moving when it may not be so beautiful. The Lord not only wants to see you walk in greatness, but for His whole body to walk in greatness. He wants to use anyone who is willing and who is in love with Him. When the Lord looks at me, He sees my heart, not my tennis shoes. He hears the cry of my songs, not the beat they make. When the Lord looks at the next generation here, He sees hungry hearts, thirsty souls, excitement, and strength. But at the same time, such a need for wisdom. We need you right now. We need your wisdom, but we don't want it if we can't see you living for what we are willing to die for. Because then we realize all you say to us is you. and we are after those who are after the One we are in love with. Please impart and not depart. I need you. I am Westmore too. But Westmore isn't ours. Its His. Why not entrust it to the perfect, unfailing One? I need you to embrace what the Lord is doing in me. I want your wisdom if I can see you are led. and right now I can't see it. I'm ready for the Lord to move here and I would love for you to journey with me, but even if you don't come along I am going to move with Him. I will get to walk in all He has and get to see lives changed and walk in power and be led and live in His joy and His peace and on and on. I will be a part of walking in the fullness of all He has for Westmore. because I am Westmore and if I see the Lord, Westmore sees the Lord. There is so much purpose for this place. God is about to move aggressively here and remove anything and anyone in the way of what He is doing. So together, lets run with Him. And be for Him, not against Him. And be for one another, not against one another. Our unity and our love will accelerate this. Come on. I need you right now.  Your pastor needs you right now. Westmore needs you right now. This city needs you right now. The uttermost parts of the earth need you to agree with God right now.

I just wish you cared. 

seven.

Will you deal with your pain?

The bitterness inside

You shove it in to the point where you hardly know its there.

Now you can rest.

You fall into a slumber 

O SLOTHful one

Peaceful Awake

Your awake and rising to the top.

Strength.

Beauty.

Prestige. 

Or is it only a facade?

O but PRIDE shall come before the fall.

Snatching all you can hold

on the decent

You GLUTTON.

Your depravity is evident.

Maybe they have something to offer.

Your LUSTful eyes 

consume you. 

Now you want it all. 

GREED overtakes.

As if you are the only one. 

ENVY grows without much notice.

Now your driven

You spiral into the WRATH 

thats always been there

That which you kept

Led to your death.

religion.

why is it that all the ones who say "i hate religion" are the most religious people out there?

i think its just an excuse to complain...

and criticize and sometimes even hate.

when really, coming against religion the way we are so often encouraged to these days, is to actually embrace what religion truly is...

and its laid out for us. plain and clear.

James 1:27 

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

Bringing down religion is actually to  Love God and Love People-

not living to point out the faults of everyone and everything.

as pastor would say... 

just a thought.

listen.

Why? 

i know better than this. 

i REALLY REALLY do.

so why did I not TRUST?

thats what I am always preaching.

and I am having to learn it myself.

but i guess thats how the Lord teaches.

instead i justified it as "not sure" 

calling myself confused when im really not.

thats so dumb because I hate confusion more than anyone. 

and twice i cause it. 

i dont care about the first one, i can get over myself real quick.

but causing it for someone else. gosh thats when i feel bad.

Im frustrated with myself, 

but then again, really im fine. 

because I learned my lesson. 

even if it was the hard way... 

i have to 

Listen.

and trust what I hear.

even when it makes no sense. none at all.

That way I can avoid stupid crap

like causing unnecessary pain, frustration and confusion for other people.

ugh o well.

Lesson learned. 

really i love to be taught. 

cuz then things are so much easier the next time...

now ill trust more.

and sorry. 

really. 

but now u see my mistake. 

and i will, i will, i will

prove you

WRONG.

and really its not about proving YOU wrong, 

but more about going against the grain of normality.

proving wrong the SYSTEM. 

the system that says everyones the same. 

I am not like the system

and i NEVER will be. 

never.

i think ive begun to show you that

in other things. 

but now

maybe I can really show you 

that even in the things that are almost always universal across the board, 

I am still 

DIFFERENT. 

heart.

lost.

What does it look like to really lose all control?
That I dont know
But just the thought of it is glorious to me.
I want to be there.
I want to be so lost in the continual presence of the Lord
that whatever I say, whatever I do, wherever I go--
its all for the glory of the Lord.
More than ever.

Maybe it looks like fruit.
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control.


Psalms 52:
6 The righteous will see and fear; they will laugh at him, saying, 7 "Here now is the man who did not make God his stronghold but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others!" 8 But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. 9 I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints.



I am an olive tree...

I trust in you. 

You are the true vine.

I am in you. 
Lord prune me 

so I can bear more fruit.

Without you I am nothing.

simplicity.

God I dont know what you want. 

But I want whatever it is that you want. 

Jeremiah.

so you told me to do this a long time ago. 

a really really long time ago.

I just havent. 

Whats in there that you want me to get?

I guess I should go find out huh?

Why is this so hard for me?

Probably because of whats in there.

and what the little minions want to keep me from.

Okay so even if I don't see what your doing with it,

what bad can come from it?

Lets see. absolutely none. 

I feel dumb that its so hard for me. 

but now I am determined. 

Watch out. 

promises.

 I love you. 

I love the way you do things. 

I say it all the time and will say it again,

Your orchestration is incredible.

The way that you position people in the right places at the right times always amazes me and always will, but at the same time, why would anyone expect less of a no less than perfect God?

What you are doing excites me. Oh the places you will take me. Oh the places you will take them. Wow. How do we deserve this?

The thing is, we don't. 

At all. 

But thats the beauty of it....

You take broken people and piece together something beautiful. 

You really do give us the desires of our hearts  if we are actually willing to let you shape those desires.

I love trusting you. 

I can't go wrong there. 

Because I trust you, I get to enjoy life YOUR way. 

and You are perfect

Thus

the joy, the peace, the excitement, the LIFE

is all there 

Abundantly.

You promise you will direct my paths if I trust.

You promise unspeakable joy if I believe.

You promise strength if I wait on you.

You promise me abundant life. 

You promise me Your never ending love. 

This and so much more.

All your promises won't let go of me. 

thankful.

This is my heart right now in a song.

HARDCORE.

Fee- "Beautiful the Blood"

I never knew death could be so sweet
I never knew surrender could feel so free
I never seen such meekness in majesty
That the blood of Jesus was bled for me

And now I sing freedom for all my days
It's only by the power of the cross I'm raised
The King of Glory rescued me

How beautiful the blood flow
How merciful the love shown
The King of glory poured out
Victorious are we now

Never knew through these nails would love unfold
And never knew these wounds would heal my soul
I've never seen such beauty and sorrow meet
The blood of Jesus was bled for me

And now I sing freedom for all my days
It's only by the power of the cross I'm raised
The King of Glory rescued me

[Repeat Chorus]

Now I'll sing freedom for all my days
It's only by the power of the cross I'm raised
The King of Glory rescued me

[Repeat Chorus]

How beautiful you are
How merciful you are
How glorious you are
Christ our Savior

How beautiful you are
How merciful you are
How glorious you are
Christ our Savior

joy.

Every day I get excited. 

The Lord is always moving 

and i get the joy of chasing after Him.

I love the peace of knowing I am in His will

and realizing I do not have to be perfect

and when i do mess up, I learn, then move on better than before.

The Lord amazes me every day with His presence.

Even in simple everyday activities

He is there.

I love love love to watch Him orchestrate my life 

and the lives of His other kids around me.

There are so many amazing people around me too.

I have so much fun.

He has promised me that He will not keep any good thing from me

because I trust Him. 

Its so true. 

Life is so great

but only because He is great. 

There is so much joy in the chase.

amazingness.

last wednesday. 

i got gloriously rocked. 

no big deal.

thankstomyfriendforyourobedienceandsupport.

My God is incredible. for real.

Main Entry:
1rock \ˈräk\
verb
Middle English rokken, from Old English roccian; akin to Old High German rucken to cause to move, 12th century
: to astonish or disturb greatly
: to become moved backward and forward under often violent impact

glo·ri·ous \ˈglȯr-ē-əs\
adjective
Middle English, from Anglo-French & Latin; Anglo-French glorios, from Latin gloriosus glorious, vainglorious, from gloria, 13th century

 : possessing or deserving glory
2: marked by great beauty or splendor : magnificent 

insanity.

Someone please tell me.

I've only scratched the surface?

How the heck.

ilovejesusheneverceasestoamazeme.

soon.

ill see it.  i just wanna show up at second service one day, and its still all the first service people, but theyre so overcome by the Lord they cant leave. or see some news thing about people in some random public place like a grocery store on their faces for hours cuz the presence of the Lord just swept in out of nowhere. Boom. or myself just be knocked to the ground by the spirit of the Lord. or go in a place where EVERYONE in the room can feel the tangible spirit of God- even the people who dont care to- that way nobody can deny it. 

  So Lord,  Send your glory Lord in great measure! Sure I know you are moving in FL and places, but God I want you to move more than man. So much to where man can't move. I want to feel you like never before. I want to see you so move on the hearts of your people that they lay on their faces for hours crying out for the souls of those who dont know you. And then i wanna see times where all these sinners cannot help but stop by a place. they try not to come, but they have to go for some reason. and then they show up and get rocked by You. Thats what i want. make us desperate. Purify us so it is never about us. We want you. I realize more each day how much i am nothing without you. Lord when will you come? Cant you see our desperation? Show me what to do. Show me how to prepare the way for your kingdom. And not just your return, but the coming of your Kingdom to earth through your people now. The move we are waiting on. The move you are waiting to give us. Lead us. Guide us. We are here and willing. We want You. Consume us. Really. Consume our thoughts. Consume our lives. Make us so enticed by your presence and your Word that we keep coming back for more. Because there is always more of you.  We want this too. Do whatever you have to do to us and in us and through us so that you can move like you want to. For real. Amen. 

then.

i remember when we would sing Surround Me and  Enemy's Camp and Look What the Lord Has Done and then somebody would get up and run around and someone else would cry their eyes out and someone else would get floored and hardly know what happened to them, then we would sit there not knowing what was next but nobody would care. and it was amazing. and i miss it. 

timing.

the Lord's timing is weird. thats all. 

trust.

Can you ever have too much trust in God?

Of course not right?

But what if you trust so much that you neglect talking to Him about stuff?

Because a lot of times I just think- ehh I trust God to take care of it.

and so i dont really pray about stuff like i think i should. 

Not really sure what to do. 

Because its so important to trust the Lord, but prayer is also important. 

Maybe my concept of prayer needs to be revolutionized...hmm i dunno.

Any insight?

twelve.

On the Brink of Breaking

Stirrings inside increase, eyes open

Movement is forceful

Weight is evident

Daughters and sons are positioned

Every detail shows were on the brink

We can see it more than ever

Protection provided

Rapid acceleration 

Face down and growing 

Ready, Equipped

Strength arising

Its your time

For Breaking.

so i decided.

to start a blog, instead of always just putting stuff on myspace and facebook.