waiting.

Typically the idea of waiting is full of negative emotions. Twenty first century culture demands everything RIGHT NOW. There is consistently a new upgrade for faster.... everything. From our instant communication via cell phones and internet to even the food we eat, there is a constant expectation that everything should be fast.

Have you ever clicked on a program on your computer and then because it didn't immediately appear, click it 20 more times just to have it open all 20 times a few seconds later?

It is so easy for us to get frustrated when we don't get what we want immediately. Think about the devices you have- cell phone, computer, internet- any of it. Now think back 10 years. Or even less than that. Remember how much SLOWER everything was? There is a constant acceleration of all those little things that are supposed to save time, yet our lives seem to get busier and busier.

So. You're seeking the Lord and He responds to you- not with a yes, not with a no, but a "WAIT." What is your reaction?

Do we even know how to wait anymore??

In recent days, the Lord has placed an expectation in the hearts of many of His followers for the coming age. There is a sense among a whole lot of believers right now that something is about to change. Some have hope of fulfilled dreams. Others don't know what to expect- it's just a sense that something is about to happen. But for now? We wait.

While our culture demands everything fast- we actually do have some sense of waiting. In all actuality, our "now" demands have set us up to have more expectant waiting than ever before. Years ago, you sent a letter to someone and you knew you had to wait for it to get to the person, then even once he or she responded, it had to go through the mail all over again to get back to you. Therefore, when you drop the letter in the mail, you may not even think about it again for a while. You might even forget about it. Now, if you shoot a message to someone through email, it's perfectly normal to receive something back even the same day. We've grown to expect it.

We expect a quick response from most everything these days. From microwaves, to the new annoying second-by-second mini news feed on facebook, everything is RIGHT NOW. While waiting for your food in the fast food line, what do you think about? You may sit and think about what you have to do later on or about that phone call you need to make, but all the while you sit there with an expectation that food is coming quickly. You may be thinking on other things, but you definitely haven't forgotten that you are about to have food. In fact, you may even find yourself getting frustrated if it takes a little longer than expected.

So I ask again.... When the Lord tells you to wait, how do you react? What do you do? What SHOULD you do?

Well. To be honest, I don't know.

Wait I guess?

No, but seriously. What does waiting look like? What is the "doing" in the "waiting"?

Well, heres what I know about waiting. When I wait, theres an expectancy for a certain result. As I wait, I am consistently thinking of that "expected end." I look forward with nervousness, frustration or excitement depending on the situation. Nervousness comes when I've got time to freak myself out about the results ahead- its that butterflies in the stomach feeling you get when you're about to give a speech or something. Frustration comes when I am simply sick of waiting- usually this is when I've got somewhere to be and somethings or someone is holding me up. Excitement in waiting is when I know something awesome is up ahead. Its when our usual reaction is, "I can't wait!"

When God says wait, why do I so often choose nervousness or frustration? Why is it that I've allowed culture to tell me waiting is negative? Why do I let myself get caught up in what I am supposed to DO in this moment?

Waiting is not about the doing, but instead, it's more a mindset. Its inserted hope. Its something we can expect.

Galatians 5:5 says, " For we through the Spirit, by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness."
So often, our faith is about waiting on the Lord. We expect right relationship with Him and do all we can by faith. He shows up without fail every time. What a faithful God we have!

So maybe we should start changing our view of waiting. Instead of dreading the process, and associating waiting with long doctors office visits or being stuck in traffic with some place to be, lets choose hope.

Waiting IS hope. If it's our faithful King whose saying it, we know there's an incredible end we can expect. When the Lord tells us to wait, He's doing something for our good and is promising us a good outcome.

Hope for it.

Expect it.

Wait on the Lord.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

dna.

Its absolutely amazing to me how much goes on inside of me when I do something as simple as watching a video like this:

(I have no rights to this video, I just like it. Visit globalfireministries.com for more info.)

Revival is in my DNA. I was born for it. I don't just hop from event to event because I want the next fix. No. Its who I am. Its who God has created me to be. Nothing brings me more joy, satisfaction, and giddy excitement than being in a room with leaders experiencing the glory of God. Its who I am. I am not afraid to say it, and I'm learning to embrace it more each day right now. Its so fun. And so difficult at times. But all the good outweighs the bad by FAR. It does not matter what each day brings- the cry of my heart will forever be, "Lord you're worth it."

His presence is what I long for. Glory. Those times where you gather in a service with people and you can hardly say a word. All you can really do is look to your neighbor and say, "whoa."

If ever I say that to you, its an expression of being overwhelmed, unsure of what exactly the Lord is doing, but completely confident of His deep, deep work that is changing my life in that very moment.

There's been several of these moments in my life, and they are what bring life to me. I'm done trying to justify my need for revival environment and I'm embracing it as who God has called me to be. In this season, I'm doing my best to keep my sails set and letting the breath of Holy Spirit guide me each day.

It's crazy and spontaneous, and a little frightening at times, but oh so worth it. His glory presence is surrounding me regularly. He's leading me to places and moments where I can be immersed in His glory.

This is a season of mandate. Its a time where I move in the authority that has been given to me by God alone. There is no doubt in my mind that its a season where I am stepping in and going to begin to see the fulfillment of my calling. Dreams I've carried deep inside for many years are unfolding before my eyes. I always wondered when this day would come. Its here. And I'm not afraid to move.

gust.

So. I just finished reading this blog by Clark Campbell about the tornado relief efforts in my precious city. In it, Clark sticks with the theme of
[a gust of wind in our sails.]
In a simple facebook message to him after reading it, I realized the magnitude of my own reflections on his reflections and thus- I blog.

First, even if you know me, and quite possibly even if you know me well, there's something most of you probably don't know. Here lately, I've been on an intense journey of what I have referred to as "learning to walk again." Within this season has been some of the deepest pain, disappointment, and loneliness I have ever felt. At the same time, its been growth, discovery, and hints of some of the greatest joy, peace, and glory I've ever known. Before this, was a crazier season. It was the negative emotions I mentioned on top of what felt like spiritual and even mental paralysis. In that season I had two separate worlds-
World #1 was in public; where I functioned mostly normal- seeking God, dreaming with people, and enjoying life. (Normal except for the times when the effects of world #2 eeked into world #1- some people could tell when this happened, many others were oblivious).
And then there was World #2. This was when I was alone. Torment, tears, anger, frustration and confusion were the norm. I ALWAYS knew World #1 was who I really am and it angered me beyond belief that this "other world" was even present.
Through prayer with a close friend several months ago in a time where World #2 was clearly eeking into World #1, what I always thought deep down became made known. World #2 that I dealt with for so long was not self-inflicted as I had grown to believe- instead, it was a deliberate attack from the enemy. Satan's tactics were exposed and my friend and I went to war- it was painful, ugly, nasty, and very real. However, the good thing is, because my God is a warrior, victory was inevitable.

Several months on the other side of the month-long war process, victory everyday still has to be something I choose. Learning to walk again, even when it feels like I'm on eggshells, is a process I'm committed to-not because I have some kind of crazy dogged determination, but rather because I have an astoundingly gracious and loving God who refuses to give up on me. I love how I heard it said recently by a wonderfully wise friend, "Every time I go to quit, this guy Jesus gets in the way."

Okay so that was not what I actually came over here to blog about... but whatever. I guess thats my backstory.

Here's what I meant to blog:

In the past couple days this phrase has come to my mind over and over again.

"Just keep moving."

Whether its God's voice, or Him simply bringing it to my mind, (and I am no longer afraid to say I don't know), I cannot deny His involvement. In reading Clark's blog I recognized that this little phrase has been "[a strategic gust of wind in my sails.]"

Keep in mind, less than an hour before I started reading the blog, I put up this FB status:

As I read about that initial journey of Clark, Jerry, and Lindsey I thought to myself, "what was I doing at that exact time?"

Then I realized... O. Right. I was sleeping in my cozy bed, in my intact house, with power.

So I asked myself, "okay, so what about once I woke up?"

I scrolled through old texts and facebook posts to try and remember. What I found and recalled was very sobering. Here was my day on Thursday, April 28, 2011:

It was the day off before finals at Lee. I slept in, probably late. I don't remember what I did right when I got up, but I'm sure it was not very productive...it was my day off right? I do remember later looking through facebook at pictures and statuses and having a true sense of pride for my community:

I was overwhelmed by how much Cleveland was fulfilling God's mandate to "be a hub of revival for the nations." (This quote is part of a prophecy given over this city way back in the 50's- and playing my role in seeing it come to pass, is what I've given my life to.)

Lets see... That was 1:38pm- after that, I can't remember what I did until several hours later when I was roaming around at Target. I came across a discounted phone cover that I purchased. While still at Target, I noticed a missed call on my phone. I realized then, that I had forgotten that I had told the Stone family I would come babysit! BAD, I know. I rushed over to their house and watched the beautiful kiddos for a while. End of Day.

Reading the blog and reflecting on what I did that day made me realize that while Clark, Jerry, Lindsey and all the many volunteers were assembling, I was chilling out at home, and then running around doing my selfish errands, with absolutely no sense of urgency or focus.

Hmmm... I really DO need that status I posted tonight to become reality in my life- and April 28th for me epitomized it!

Clark's prayer in his blog was this:

Well, his prayer was answered in me tonight. I did discover that their sails were set. I also discovered that mine weren't.

Sure, in the days following I did do some stuff with relief efforts, but what if everyone took a few days to realize the urgency of the need? What if Clark, Jerry and Lindsey hadn't set their sails? Or what if they had tried to come up with all this on their own? The fact is that yes, this movement WAS supernatural. God was at work supernaturally through focused, willing people. Nope, its not about these guys or any other volunteers, but they know that too, that's why God chose their sails to breath His wind upon.

So now, I set my sails.

Thanks Clark for writing out the story and for praying a simple prayer.

Thanks Jerry for saying yes- and all that that entails.

And thanks Lindsey for carrying a joy thats positioning you to shake nations.

My sails are set- Lets go.

no.

Blog, o blog.
intentional enter of demonstrative evidence.

screaming decide.

or do of course

How dost thou beckon?
Voiceless yet alluring.

endless wanderings to heaven's end predisposed

"Why?" she asks... lingering, unexpected thesaurus of what is no longer

How .... "There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death."

archaic & a roulette of sorts



Why that? Why NOT that? or this. or that. or that. or even this.
easy --------------> practice makes perfect.

rejection or embrace as though a contradicted and fading existence

a suttle provoke or a desperate plea?