fire.

umm...

so after church today I talked to mom and got on the computer and other various things and then I read my last blog to myself. 

We were leaving to go eat at 4 something, so at 3 I decided to sleep for an hour.

As I laid down, I told the Lord that if He wanted to talk to me through a dream He was welcome to. Then my head hit the pillow and I slept.

At 4 the alarm goes off.  I was slightly embarrassed and frustrated at myself because of the dream I'd just had. Oh well, I thought, I'll just call my friend  who was in the dream  later on and just laugh  it off. 

So I'm getting ready and I remembered what I told the Lord.

Well, maybe the Lord was trying to say something to me...  I racked my brain for a few minutes, thoughts flying in all directions. I was getting a little bit frustrated because I wanted to be able to just laugh that dream off and not have to think about it anymore...when I told the Lord He could talk to me, I was thinking some cool revelation or some cool prophetic dream or something, something beautiful of course, nothing ugly... actually ugly hadn't even crossed my mind until this point. Cuz when got speaks its always beautiful right?....Wrong.

 I was realizing I couldn't just ignore this little dream. I mean I guess I could have, but if I ask Him to talk, I should probably pay attention to what He is saying when He is talking. So with my thoughts still swarming around like angry bees, confusion was rising. Well the Lord taught me a while ago, that He is not the author of confusion therefore that was an immediate red flag. I needed to just pause for a second so I could hear. And as soon as I did, the Lord said to me- "this is the fire that you asked for."

AHHH the blog!  "I want your fire even when it hurts..."

I guess I wasn't expecting Him to move that way...

Church this morning was about moving with God.

Getting out of your comfort zone, abandoning preconceived ideas, and getting ready for new challenges and growth markers on your journey. Wow. I experienced all 3 today. I guess thats what I get...I mean I did choose to come live with the man who preached that this morning.

It's awesome though. This is why I am here. To serve them and to grow. Ha. and I was just thinking how I wanted acceleration and  thinking of how maybe I just needed to be patient... Ummm... Amanda. open your eyes.  (God wants you to see, remember? You learned that today at church too.) This is same day service here. You are accelerating so much more than you realize. 

Sorry... had to preach to myself for a second.

So here's what I learned/ was reminded of today:

1. When I hear that God won't necessarily move the same way He has before, that applies to much more than just a style of a church service.

2. When you talk to the Lord, He listens. 

3. When the Lord talks, its not always going to be beautiful. Yet at the same time, it so is.

4.  The things I hear are for me more than I realize.

5. Cleansing fire isn't always some huge life crisis- fire can come through something as simple as a dream...and yes. it still burns.

Lord, 

Thank you for teaching me today. 

I love your teachings so much

and feeling the burn means I am that much closer to Your face.

Because I know that your eyes burn like blazing fire.

And what you showed me in this dream today- show me how to fix it.

I want to love like you love.

I want to have compassion for the lost and for those I am close to

Teach me to honor those close to me

And not discount people just cuz of their junk

Thanks for showing me the junk in my own life.

Deal with the anger that comes up sometimes

Help me to overflow with kindness

Take away my pride

I don't always know the best way

Help me to have compassionate understanding when you are teaching others

Teach me when its my turn to confront an issue, and when I need to leave it alone

Really, I just need to overflow with Your love

Teach me to truly love.

Amen.