listen.

Why? 

i know better than this. 

i REALLY REALLY do.

so why did I not TRUST?

thats what I am always preaching.

and I am having to learn it myself.

but i guess thats how the Lord teaches.

instead i justified it as "not sure" 

calling myself confused when im really not.

thats so dumb because I hate confusion more than anyone. 

and twice i cause it. 

i dont care about the first one, i can get over myself real quick.

but causing it for someone else. gosh thats when i feel bad.

Im frustrated with myself, 

but then again, really im fine. 

because I learned my lesson. 

even if it was the hard way... 

i have to 

Listen.

and trust what I hear.

even when it makes no sense. none at all.

That way I can avoid stupid crap

like causing unnecessary pain, frustration and confusion for other people.

ugh o well.

Lesson learned. 

really i love to be taught. 

cuz then things are so much easier the next time...

now ill trust more.

and sorry. 

really. 

but now u see my mistake. 

and i will, i will, i will

prove you

WRONG.

and really its not about proving YOU wrong, 

but more about going against the grain of normality.

proving wrong the SYSTEM. 

the system that says everyones the same. 

I am not like the system

and i NEVER will be. 

never.

i think ive begun to show you that

in other things. 

but now

maybe I can really show you 

that even in the things that are almost always universal across the board, 

I am still 

DIFFERENT. 

heart.